The only time she went out was to visit her former landlady.
The walk lasted a full hour, and before she had reached her former home,
many a naïve admirer, many a keen _boulevardier_, had bobbed up beside
her and tried to enter into a pleasant conversation. She always ran to
the other side of the street, shaking herself. Sometimes, yes,
sometimes, she would have liked to reply.
When she lay in bed with closed eyes, she dreamed of strong-willed,
sharply cut men's faces, to which she looked up in yielding happiness.
She often dreamed, too, of Mr. Dehnicke, good, sound, loyal Mr.
Dehnicke.
If he were to come to her some day and falter in that guilty way of his
which she liked so well: "I love you inordinately, and want you to
marry me," what would she say to him?
Each time she thought this a furtive sense of comfort stole over her.
As for the man who by full right stood closest to her, she never dreamed
of him. Sometimes, it is true, when her longings did not know where to
strike root, those anxious yet blissful November nights would recur to
her. But the part of hero might have been played by any other man as
well as Walter.
Walter himself had grown to be a sort of tyrannical conscience with her.
She loved him--of course! How could she help loving him? He was her
"betrothed," and he was working for her. But sometimes, when she stood
in front of the sofa and felt his cold, blue eyes resting upon her
haughtily and masterfully, and she recalled the sorry, inconstant little
fellow he actually had been, she felt a desire to shake off everything
that came from him and held her under a spell, as one tries to rid
oneself of a preposterous nightmare.
If only Mr. Dehnicke had not kept alluding to him with so much devotion
and respect, treating himself as the modest agent, who would have to
render account to his dear friend, when that dear friend would return in
honour and glory.
Mr. Dehnicke came punctually twice a week to inquire after her health
and drink tea. He would leave in time to reach his office before it was
closed for the day. These scant hours were always a festival for her.
What wonder? She had no one beside him. He was the only person who bound
her to the rest of the world and brought incident and interest into her
life.
She spent hours in fixing up the tea table, in trying different ways of
lighting the room, in arranging the flowers, and standing before the
mirror--for him.
When he came at last and sat opposite her, they conversed long and
seriously about the cares that oppressed him, the plans he was revolving
in his mind, his disgust at the artists who considered it a disgrace to
work for the trade, and did so only if the pistol was held to their
heads, and then disdainfully, clenching their teeth; his trashy
competitors, who built palaces in order to throw dust in the eyes of the
buyers, and who thereby had forced him to transform his good old
business place in accordance with modern ideas of decoration.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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