"It makes no difference," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "To me it does," he rejoined. "I don't want you to think I'm a rascal." "That makes no difference either," she thought. "I loved you," he began, "long before I knew you, when you were still our colonel's wife." She looked up at him in surprise. As he stood there in his short, close-fitting dress suit, with a pale, joyless, pleading face, uneasily plucking at the tablecloth, he who was really master there, it seemed to her she was looking upon him for the first time. "I had been called into service for the manoeuvres that summer," he continued, "and the club was still full of you. Even the ladies of the regiment talked of nothing else. There were ever so many pictures of you, too, in circulation. Some of the men had snapped you on the sly. The instant I saw you I should have recognised you, because I remembered every feature. Yes, I may repeat with perfect truth, I loved you even then. What's more, after Prell's letter came and you were to step into my life, good Lord! what plans for winning you didn't I work out in those one and a half years! Then at last you appeared and exceeded my wildest fancies. But when I saw that in between you had become a _grande dame_, and how devoted you were to Walter--you kept talking of him--I lost my last hopes. Of course, I had never seriously counted upon winning you, because, though I lay some stock in myself, I'm not really self-assured--and besides--to have some one like you for a love--that's more happiness than anyone can dream of." When he said "a love," passionate bitterness welled up within Lilly. "To have me for a wife," she thought, "_that_ is certainty more happiness than anyone can dream of." She burst out laughing. He took her laugh as a sign of modest deprecation of his compliment, and talked himself into greater enthusiasm. Did she think a single person in all that company to-night was worthy of unlacing her shoe-ties? Did she realise how immeasurably she was raised above everything bearing the name woman? From out of her tear-stained eyes the question now candidly shone which pride and shame forbade her to utter. He must have understood, because he paused suddenly, clapped his hand to his forehead, looked agitated, and paced up and down the room, suppressing sobs. She heard him murmur, "I can't--impossible--I can't." "Oh--if he can't," she thought, and stared at him with her cheeks pressed between her hands. He halted in front of her, and tried to talk. But he could only choke down half-articulated words, and he took to pacing the room again. Lilly caught snatches of words--"mother"--"never persuade her"--"must give up the business." And again and again, "I can't--impossible--I can't." "He's right," she thought. "A person like me--he really can't." And feeling her renunciation was final she drew a deep breath, and collapsed.