The golden shimmer of early autumn poured its enchantment over them.
Lilly's brain grew heavy with longing and happiness. She could have sunk
to the ground, and laid her forehead against his knees merely for
support, because approaching fulfillment was more than she could bear.
He had removed his cap. A curly lock fell over his forehead down to his
eyebrows, giving his face a sombre expression, as if he were challenging
the whole world. This "genius lock" was the fashion among the boys of
the last year high school and was especially cherished by those who did
not aspire to the stylishness of belonging to a students' corps.
His gaze rested on the church towers of the old city, which resembled
awkward, faithful, sleepy watchmen looking down on the wide-spreading
clusters of house tops.
"Will you tell me what you are thinking about?" asked Lilly, bashfully
admiring. The great moment--at last it had come.
He gave a short and somewhat mocking laugh.
"I am calculating how many ministers get their living in a nest like
that, and how comfortable it is for a fellow if he just studies
theology."
"Why don't you? Learning flows in on one from all sides."
"You don't understand," he reproved her gently. "Learning is not the
chief thing. Conviction is. One must do everything for the sake of one's
conviction, suffer want, suffer all sorts of privations. The city has
six scholarships to bestow upon theological students, but I would rather
chop my hand off than accept one. A man must take up the fight for his
convictions, and that's what I'm going to do--day after to-morrow."
His small, short-sighted eyes sparkled. He stroked the genius lock from
his forehead with a trembling hand.
Now she had him where she wanted him. Perhaps this was the very instant
in which to hand him the revolver. But out of respect for the greatness
of his mood, she deferred the matter for a while.
Taking a firmer hold of the bag in which the revolver was lying, she
went into raptures as once before on the porch.
"Oh, Mr. Redlich, what is finer than such a fight? To dive into the
waves of life! To spite the dark powers who control our destiny, and
wrest our fortune from them, to come out of the struggle each time with
greater strength, a more iron will. Can you conceive of anything more
up-lifting?"
But this time, too, her adjuration failed to awaken an echo.
"Good heavens," he said, "on close inspection what after all is this
much-vaunted fight? Everybody walks over you, in winter you lie in a
cold bed, and all year round you have nothing to eat. Of course, I'm
going to go into it, of course I am, but it's hard, yes, indeed, it's
hard! If I had a scholarship I should feel much better."
"So that's all the joy you have in facing the world?"
"My dear young lady," he rejoined, "a fellow who starts out with nothing
but a satchel of darned wash and a hundred-mark bill--where's he to get
much joy from?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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