This curious calm came into the life of Bee Kingsward after the
incidents related above. The man with whom she had expected to share
everything disappeared from her existence as if he had never entered
into it, and a dead peace fell over her, and all things around her. It
was at once better for Bee and worse that the mourning for her mother
swept her away out of all the coming and going of ordinary life for a
time--better because she was saved the torment of a perpetual struggle
with her trouble, and worse because it shut her up to a perpetual
recollection of that trouble. The Kingsward family remained at
Kingswarden for the whole of that winter and spring. When the season
began there was some question of removing to town, which Bee opposed
strongly. “I have no wish to go out,” she said. “I could not, papa, so
soon---- And we have no one to take us.”
“You will find plenty of people ready to take you,” he said.
And then Bee took refuge in tears. “Nobody--that we could endure to go
with--so soon, so soon!--not yet a year,” she said. Betty followed her
sister dubiously. It was natural that she should always echo what Bee
said, but this time she was not quite so sure as usual. Not to balls?
Oh, not to balls! was Betty’s secret comment, but--Betty felt that to
speak occasionally to some one who was not of her own family--not the
Rector or the Rector’s wife, the Curate or the Doctor--would be an
advantage; but she did not utter that sentiment. After all, what was one
season to the measureless horizon of eighteen? Bee renounced her season
eagerly, and uttered exclamations of content when Colonel Kingsward
announced that, in those circumstances, he had let their house in town.
But I am not sure that she was so completely satisfied as she professed
to be. She had dismissed Aubrey “for ever”--and yet, when the deed was
done, a longing seized her sometimes to hear his name, that someone
should speak of him in her presence, that she should hear accidentally
where he was, and what he was doing. She had imagined little scenes to
herself in which she had heard strangers saying to each other that
Aubrey Leigh had soon got over his disappointment, that he was going to
be married to So-and-So; or that he was going to make the tour of the
world, or to shoot big game in Africa; or, anything in short, so long as
it was about him. Even when she had been so determined against going
out, there had been a hope in her mind that somehow, she did not know
how, some news of him and what he was doing might be wafted her way
accidentally. She did not want, she said to herself passionately, ever
to hear his name again! Yet she had calculated on hearing as much as
that, hearing quite accidentally, at the Royal Academy, perhaps, or
somewhere where she might happen to be calling, that he was going to the
ends of the earth, or that he was going to be married--things which the
speakers might suppose were not of the slightest interest to her. She
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