“Yes,” he said, “it is all very fine and expressive. It is, I see, a
symbolical building, a great artistic possibility. But is it the place
for me? What I have to say is something very simple, that God is the
king of the whole world, king of the ha'penny newspaper and the omnibus
and the vulgar everyday things, and that they have to worship him and
serve him as their leader in every moment of their lives. This isn't
that. This is the old religions over again. This is taking God apart.
This is putting him into a fresh casket instead of the old one. And....
I don't like it.”
“Don't like it,” she cried, and stood apart from him with her chin in
the air, a tall astonishment and dismay.
“I can't do the work I want to do with this.”
“But--Isn't it you' idea?”
“No. It is not in the least my idea. I want to tell the whole world
of the one God that can alone unite it and save it--and you make this
extravagant toy.”
He felt as if he had struck her directly he uttered that last word.
“Toy!” she echoed, taking it in, “you call it a Toy!”
A note in her voice reminded him that there were two people who might
feel strongly in this affair.
“My dear Lady Sunderbund,” he said with a sudden change of manner, “I
must needs follow the light of my own mind. I have had a vision of God,
I have seen him as a great leader towering over the little lives of men,
demanding the little lives of men, prepared to take them and guide them
to the salvation of mankind and the conquest of pain and death. I have
seen him as the God of the human affair, a God of politics, a God of
such muddy and bloody wars as this war, a God of economics, a God of
railway junctions and clinics and factories and evening schools, a God
in fact of men. This God--this God here, that you want to worship, is a
God of artists and poets--of elegant poets, a God of bric-a-brac, a God
of choice allusions. Oh, it has its grandeur! I don't want you to think
that what you are doing may not be altogether fine and right for you to
do. But it is not what I have to do.... I cannot--indeed I cannot--go on
with this project--upon these lines.”
He paused, flushed and breathless. Lady Sunderbund had heard him to the
end. Her bright face was brightly flushed, and there were tears in her
eyes. It was like her that they should seem tears of the largest, most
expensive sort, tears of the first water.
“But,” she cried, and her red delicate mouth went awry with dismay and
disappointment, and her expression was the half incredulous expression
of a child suddenly and cruelly disappointed: “You won't go on with all
this?”
“No,” he said. “My dear Lady Sunderbund--”
“Oh! don't Lady Sunderbund me!” she cried with a novel rudeness. “Don't
you see I've done it all for you?”
He winced and felt boorish. He had never liked and disapproved of Lady
Sunderbund so much as he did at that moment. And he had no words for
her.
“How can I stop it all at once like this?”
And still he had no answer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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