Dorset (England) -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction; Textile industry -- Fiction
Meantime Raymond preserved his cheerful spirit for a season. But
existence never looked the same out of Sabina's presence and before he
had reached Bridport, his mood changed. He recognised very acutely his
duty and not a thought stirred in him to escape it; but what for a
little while had appeared more than duty and promised to end mean doubts
and fears for ever, began now to present itself under other aspects.
The joy of a child and a wife and a home faded. For what sort of a home
could he establish? He leaned to the hope that Daniel might prove
generous under the circumstances and believed that his aunt might throw
her weight on his side and urge his brother to make adequate provision;
but these reflections galled him unspeakably, for they were sordid. They
argued weakness in him. He must come as a beggar and eat humble pie; he
must for ever sacrifice his independence and, with it, everything that
had made life worth living. The more he thought upon it, the more he
began to hate the necessity of taking this story to his relations.
Better men than he had lived in poverty and risen from humble
beginnings. It struck him that if he went his own way, redoubled his
official energies and asked for nothing more on the strength of his
marriage, his own self-respect would be preserved as well as the respect
of his aunt and brother. He pictured himself as a hero, yet knew that
what he contemplated was merely the conduct of an honest man.
The thought of approaching anybody with his intentions grew more
distasteful, and by the time he reached Bridport, he had determined not
to mention the matter, at any rate until the following day. So great a
thing demanded more consideration than he could give it for the moment,
because his whole future depended on the manner in which he broke it to
his people. It was true that the circumstances admitted of no serious
delay; Sabina must, of course, be considered before everything; but
twenty-four hours would make no difference to her, while it might make
all the difference to him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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