Country homes -- Fiction; Domestic fiction; England -- Fiction; Inheritance and succession -- Fiction
Don't look at me therefore as if I had
not been kind, as if I had not been as tender as if he were dying and my
tenderness were what would save him. Look at me as if you believe me, as
if you feel what I've been through. Darling Mrs. Gereth, I could kiss
the ground he walks on. I haven't a rag of pride; I used to have, but
it's gone. I used to have a secret, but every one knows it now, and any
one who looks at me can say, I think, what's the matter with me. It's
not so very fine, my secret, and the less one really says about it the
better; but I want you to have it from me because I was stiff before. I
want you to see for yourself that I've been brought as low as a girl can
very well be. It serves me right," Fleda laughed, "if I was ever proud
and horrid to you! I don't know what you wanted me, in those days at
Ricks, to do, but I don't think you can have wanted much more than what
I've done. The other day at Maggie's I did things that made me,
afterwards, think of you! I don't know what girls may do; but if he
doesn't know that there isn't an inch of me that isn't his--!" Fleda
sighed as if she couldn't express it; she piled it up, as she would have
said; holding Mrs. Gereth with dilated eyes, she seemed to sound her for
the effect of these words. "It's idiotic," she wearily smiled; "it's so
strange that I'm almost angry for it, and the strangest part of all is
that it isn't even happiness. It's anguish--it was from the first; from
the first there was a bitterness and a kind of dread. But I owe you
every word of the truth. You don't do him justice, either: he's a dear,
I assure you he's a dear. I'd trust him to the last breath; I don't
think you really know him. He's ever so much cleverer than he makes a
show of; he's remarkable in his own shy way. You told me at Ricks that
you wanted me to let myself go, and I've 'gone' quite far enough to
discover as much as that, as well as all sorts of other delightful
things about him. You'll tell me I make myself out worse than I am,"
said the girl, feeling more and more in her companion's attitude a
quality that treated her speech as a desperate rigmarole and even
perhaps as a piece of cold immodesty. She wanted to make herself out
"bad"--it was a part of her justification; but it suddenly occurred to
her that such a picture of her extravagance imputed a want of gallantry
to the young man. "I don't care for anything you think," she declared,
"because Owen, don't you know, sees me as I am. He's so kind that it
makes up for everything!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account