"Mrs Craigie isn't laughing, though. Between ourselves, it's she that's sent me on this errand to-day." He winked and nodded and relit his pipe, while I endeavoured to see a little light through the extraordinary confusion of ideas which his remarks had caused in my mind. "Miss Holland came up to the islands as your governess, I understand," I said in as matter-of-fact tone as I could compass. "We got her through a Mrs Armitage in Kensington," said Mr Craigie. "It seemed all right--and mind you, I'm not saying it isn't all right now! Only between you and me, Mr----?" "Wilson," I said promptly, breathing my thanks to Tiel at the same time. "You'll be a relation of the minister's too, perhaps?" "I am on government business," I replied in a suitable tone of grave mystery. "Damn it, Mr Wilson," exclaimed my friend with surprising energy, "every one in the country seems to be on government business nowadays--except myself! And I've got to pay their salaries! We're asked in the catechism what's our business in this weary world, and damn it, I can answer that conundrum now! It's just to pay government officials their wages, and build a dozen or two new Dreadnoughts, and send six million peaceable men into the army, and fill a pile of shells with trinitrol-globule-paralysis, or whatever they call the stuff, and all this on the rental of an estate which was just keeping me comfortably in tobacco before this infernal murdering business began! Do you know what I'd do with that Kaiser if I caught him?" I looked as interested as possible, and begged for information. "I'd give him my wife and my income, and see how he liked the mess he's landed me in!" Though Mr Craigie had spoken with considerable vehemence, he had not looked at all fierce, and now his not usually very intellectual face began to assume a thoughtful expression. "He's an awful fool, yon man!" he observed. "Which man?" I inquired. "Billy," said he, and with a gasp I recognised my Emperor in this brief epithet. "It's just astounding to me how he never learns that hot coals will burn his fingers, and water won't run uphill! He's always trying the silliest things." His eyes suddenly began to twinkle again, and he asked abruptly-- "Why's the Kaiser like my boots?" I gave it up at once. "Because he'll be sold again soon!" he chuckled. "That's one of my latest, Mr Wilson. I've little to do in these weary times but make riddles to amuse my girls and think of dodges for getting a rise out of my wife. I had her beautifully the other day! We've two sons at the front, you must know, and one of them's called Bob. Well, I got a letter from him, and suddenly I looked awful grave and cried, 'My God, Bob's been blown up'--you should have seen Mrs Craigie jump--'by his Colonel!' said I, and I tell you she was nearly as put about to find I'd been pulling her leg as if he'd really been blown to smithereens. Women are funny things."