Humorous stories; Politicians -- United States -- Fiction
"I was a doctor by profession, carpenter by trade, stevedore by
occupation; then came harder times--booze--more booze--despair, illness,
and I found myself discharged from the hospital, down and out--a hobo!
Yet tramp life is not so bad after all. I like it. I like the open-air
existence, the freedom from care and responsibility, and--the hours. I
am much alone, and genius, you know, grows corpulent in solitude.
"My name is Tippett--Livingstone Tippett. Age, of no special moment. You
know," he said pleasantly, "there are two things all of us lie
about--our ages and our incomes. As this is a true story I will drop the
_age_ question. It is better so.
"My early life was uneventful. I was brought up by a pious mother in a
quiet, deeply religious home; every influence uplifting and
good-instilling. I was taught, among other things, to regard liquor in
any form with abhorrence, and that drunkenness was the sin of sins. I
was surrounded with every safeguard a loving mother could devise, and it
was not until after her death and my wife's that I took to drink. My
father and grandfather both died drunkards. Heredity, in my case,
overcame both training and environment, and my troubles hurried on the
inevitable.
"I passed through college unscathed, studied medicine, walked the
hospitals, and began the practice of my profession under the most
favorable auspices. I fell in love with a charming girl, and blessed
with my good mother's approval we were married. Our future seemed
singularly bright and untroubled. Life is a game and I was considerably
ahead of the game. I was certainly playing on velvet.
"When my Elizabeth and I announced that instead of going abroad we would
spend our honeymoon at 'Raven Hill' our little world thought it quite
absurd. They were charitably inclined, however, and made excuses for us
upon the ground that we were too much absorbed in each other to know
what we were doing. But we did know, nevertheless. Our plans had been
fully matured long before we saw fit to reveal them. To spend a month or
so at Neville Mason's, down in Virginia, appealed very pleasantly to
both of us, and I accepted my old chum's offer with avidity. We were to
have everything to ourselves, with just as many servants as we wanted.
"We were married. There was a wedding breakfast, flowers, weeping
relatives, old shoes, and a profusion of rice; nothing, in short, was
omitted. A few hours later we left Jersey City on the southbound flyer.
Breaking the journey at Washington, and remaining over night there, we
arrived at the tiny depot near our ultimate destination late on the
evening of the following day. An ancient but still serviceable family
carriage was in waiting, and we were conveyed in state to the mansion.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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