“You women and your nerves and your heads! Are you all alike? Get out
and get some exercise. Keep down your gasoline bills and it will send
your spirits up. There’s such a thing as having it too good.”
She tried to meet him in lighter vein after that, dressing her most
bizarrely, and greeting him one night in a batik gown, a new process of
dyeing that could be flamboyant and narrative in design. This one, a
long, sinuous robe that enveloped her slimness like a flame, beginning
down around the train in a sullen smoke and rushing up to her face in a
burst of crimson.
He thought her so exquisitely rare that he was not above the poor,
soggy device of drinking his dinner-wine from the cup of her small
crimson slipper, and she dangled on his knee like the dangerous little
flame she none too subtly purported to be, and he spanked her quickly
and softly across the wrists because she was too nervous to hold the
match steadily enough for his cigar to take light, and then kissed away
all the mock sting.
But the next morning, at the fateful hour four o’clock, and in spite
of four sleeping-drops, Lottie on the cot at the foot of her bed and
the night-light burning, she awoke on the crest of such a shriek that
a stiletto might have slit the silence, the end of the sheet crammed
up and into her mouth, and, ignoring all of Lottie’s calming, sat up
on her knees, her streaming eyes on the jointure of wall and ceiling,
where the open accusing ones of Gerald looked down at her. It was not
that they were terrible eyes. They were full of the sweet blue, and
clear as lakes. It was only that they knew. Those eyes _knew_. _They
knew!_ She tried the device there at four o’clock in the morning of
tearing up the still unpaid check to the Ivy Funeral Rooms, and then
she curled up in bed with her hand in the negro maid’s, and her face
half buried in the pillow.
“Help me, Lottie,” she begged; “help me!”
“Law, pore child! Gettin’ the horrors every night this away! I’ve been
through it before with other ladies. But I never saw a case of the
sober horrors befoh. Looks like they’s the worst of all. Go to sleep,
child. I’se holdin’.”
You see, Lottie had looked in on life where you and I might not. A
bird’s-eye view may be very, very comprehensive, but a domestic-eye
view can sometimes be very, very close.
And then, one night, after Hester had beat her hands down into the
mattress and implored Gerald to close his accusing eyes and she had
screamed and sobbed up against the jointure, she sat up in bed, waiting
for the first streak of dawn to show itself, railing at the pain in her
head.
“God, my head! Rub it, Lottie. My head! My eyes! The back of my neck!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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