The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His WifeFirebaugh, Ellen M.
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The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His Wife
Firebaugh, Ellen M.
Physicians -- Anecdotes; Wit and humor
"Good morning, Governor," said the doctor. The governor grinned.
"What can I do for you today?"
"How much will ye charge to pull a tooth?"
"Well, I'll pull the tooth and if it don't hurt I won't charge anything.
Sit down."
The boy sat down and the doctor got out his forceps. The tooth came hard
but he got it. The boy clapped his hand over his mouth but not a sound
escaped him.
"There it is," said the doctor, holding out the offending member. "Do
you want it?" A boy's tooth is a treasure to be exhibited to all one's
friends. He took it and put it securely in his pocket.
"How much do I have to pay?"
"Did it hurt?"
"Nope."
"Nothing at all."
The boy slid from the chair and out of the door, ecstasy overspreading
all the freckles.
"That boy has a future," said Mary looking after him with a smile.
"I see they have brought the horse. We must be starting."
Ting-a-ling-ling-ling. Ting-a-ling-ling-ling.
"They want ye down at Pete Jansen's agin."
"What's the matter there now?"
"O, that youngun's been _drinkin'_ somethin' agin."
"Into the lye this time, too?"
"No, it's coal oil and bluin' this time and I don't know what else."
"I'll be down right away," said the doctor, taking up his hat.
"Get into the buggy and drive down with me, Mary, it's just at the edge
of town and then we can drive on into the country."
When they stopped at the house, an unpainted little frame structure,
Mary held the horse while her husband went in.
"Where's the boy?" he asked, looking around.
"He's out in the back yard a-playin' now, I guess," his mother replied
from the bed.
"Then what in thunder did you send for me for?"
"Why, I was scared for fear it would kill him." The doctor turned to go
then paused to ask, "How's the baby?"
"She's doin' fine."
"She's just about a week old now, isn't she?"
"A week yesterday. Don't you want to see how much she's growed?"
The doctor went to the bed and looked down at the wee little maiden.
"Great God!" he exclaimed, so fiercely that the woman was frightened.
"Why haven't you let me know about this baby's eyes?"
"W'y, we didn't think it'd 'mount to anything. We thought they'd git
well in a day or two."
"She'll be blind in less than a week if something isn't done for them."
"Grandmother's been a doctorin' 'em some."
"Well, there's going to be a change of doctors right straight. I'm going
to treat this baby's eyes myself."
"We don't want any strong medicine put in a baby's eyes."
"It don't make a bit of difference what you want. I'm going to the drug
store now to get what I need and I want you to have warm water and clean
cloths ready by the time I get back. Is there anyone here to do it?"
"There's a piece of a girl out there in the kitchen. She ain't much
'count." The doctor went to the kitchen door and gave his orders.
"I'd ruther you'd let the baby's eyes alone. I'm afraid to have strong
medicine put in 'em."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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