As for Janet, she hurried to her room with hot indignation in her heart
and the water in her eyes. Oh, it was not that she expected it to have
ended in any other way! She had known exactly how it would be. He was
not a man to behave like a man, to love one and no more. What he wanted
was his own pleasure and advantage, not Gussy and not Janet. She
despised him for it all, for the subdued tone in which he had attempted
to call her back, for his way of putting off everything that was
serious: and she half despised herself for having asked, as he said,
“his intentions,” and allowed him to see that she cared.
She did care, she said to herself, dashing the tears from her eyes. She
had a contempt for him, and penetrated his character with the keenest
perception, and to say that she loved him would have been a great
exaggeration: and yet he had a charm for Janet--his mockery, his laugh,
the tone of his voice, almost his want of respect and bold appropriation
of her, whether she wished it or not, had a charm. Her heart would have
danced with pleasure had he given her an assurance of love (which he
might very well have done, she knew, without in the least meaning it),
and yet she had penetrated him through and through, and had no illusion
as to his character. All motives are mingled, but Janet’s were so
mingled that she did not understand them. She was humiliated by the
result of her endeavor, yet highly excited, her heart leaping in her
breast: she sat down as she was, in her hat and coat, to think it all
over. Dolff and Meredith had both revealed their affection more or
less--they had both allowed her to see into their hearts. And Janet,
though she had provoked it in both cases, was angry, mortified, full of
fury and pain. That was what men were incapable of, she thought--any
real feeling, but for themselves and themselves only. Even Dolff, who
had been her slave, would have consented now to forget everything, if
she would give him her promise. She to him! as if he would give any
promise or act otherwise than as pleased himself!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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