It did not at all occur to the girl behind backs that she was an
accomplice in a piece of domestic treachery. It was ludicrous to see the
unconscious performer, full of complacency in her accomplishment,
producing those false notes; it was at once horrifying and laughable to
hear the strange discords with which the piano came in. Janet, who could
have done it so much better herself, felt a little shiver steal over her
at the first jarring thrill, and what so natural as that he, who was
evidently a good musician, should discover it, too, and seek her
sympathy. As these communications grew more frequent, it is true that
Janet did feel a little shame now and then steal over her. Poor Miss
Harwood! She would not like it, the governess felt sure, if she
surprised one of these glances; and thus, in the complacence of knowing
better, in the secret superiority of divining the sentiments of Gussy’s
lover even better than Gussy did, the girl felt it almost impossible not
to burst into a little laugh again.
Were these two floating on--as Gussy thought in her confident tenderness
and glamour of love, as Mrs. Harwood thought in her anxious calculations
and adding up of this and that to see whether it would do, as Julia, in
her eager dislike and scorn and childish inexperience, was certain
of--towards a happy _dénouement_ and a life of harmony together? This
was what Janet did not know. She sat and wondered, going on with her
needlework. Janet, who was not at all without experience, and who had
seen that people in most things consider their own advantage and
pleasure first, as the protectress of her own childhood had done in
adopting her, did not jump to the conclusion that Meredith had not the
intentions which the others attributed to him. But she had a doubt which
none of the others had. She sat and wondered, working on, anxious to be
a little nearer, and hear what they were saying, longing to be asked to
take that accompaniment, to be in the middle of what was going on. The
uncertainty lent the scene, which in any case would have been as good as
a play, a still more vivid interest. Her heart beat with the sensation
of knowing so much more than the others, with wondering from day to day
what would be the next event, and how it would end. Strangely enough,
she did not enter at all into Gussy’s feelings, or conceive any sympathy
for her. Like Julia, like the very young in general, Janet was angry
with Miss Harwood for being “silly,” for letting the visitor see his
advantage. She could not forgive the woman who made the advances, who
was deceived and fancied herself beloved, and flung herself at the head,
or at the feet, of a tardy lover. She was more impatient with Gussy for
the glamour in her eyes, than with Meredith for having none, for
shrugging his shoulders at the false notes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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