248With, a cloud of witnesses so commanding and influential, I could no longer question the truth of the doctrine of reconciliation by faith in Jesus Christ; so far from that, I felt a desire to obtain the blessing for myself. There was an impulse within me which seemed to say, ‘Make the trial,’ This, I believe, was the call of mercy; and, thank God, my heart was eventually inclined to listen and obey. But the anguish that succeeded was excessive. The more closely I examined myself, the more aggravated and incurable my sins appeared. In this state I went one evening to the Class; but was so cast down, and had fallen so deep into the Bunyanite Slough of Despond, that I was nearly guilty of Pliable’s error, who got out on the wrong side. I had resolved to tell my leader, that feeling myself no better I should come no more, and relinquish religious profession. On entering the room and taking a seat, the thought of my sinfulness almost drank up my spirit. It struck me, ‘Why do you come here? You are a greater sinner than Mary Magdalene.’ Nevertheless, I felt a desire, like the publican mentioned in the Gospel, to look up and adopt his penitential request. I asked the leader to pray, and he kindly consented. While we were jointly engaged in this service, the Lord spake peace to my heart. The change was indescribable, and inconceivable to all but the restored sinner. My burden was gone, and I rejoiced in the God of my salvation. I felt myself, as it were, elevated into a freer atmosphere, surrounded by a new creation. The means of grace appeared of more value than my daily food. I found special light and power by reading the Scriptures on my knees, preceded or followed by prayer. The retrospect of my past life fills me with amazement. I am astonished at the infatuation under which I formerly laboured, and at the forbearance of God Who so long winked at my waywardness and folly. I well remember, that some time since, on sitting down to dinner, which I used to do 249without the least acknowledgment to God, a religious friend, who happened to come in, civilly asked if it was a custom to take my meals without asking the blessing of the Giver? He made another observation or two, no doubt with the best intention. Those were the days of soldierly hauteur and impatience. I was deeply offended with his interference, and felt half inclined to throw my adviser down stairs. My better sense, however, mastered the meditated revenge; and, thank the Lord, I was preserved from laying hostile hands upon a man whose good counsel was so sadly despised, and who was, no doubt, in many respects a man far superior to myself. God forbid that I should cease to thank Him for His restraining and enlightening grace.