My father's letters breathed sighs that my mother had never
suspected--vain sighs for a complete blending of their two hearts;
tender sighs for the fond dream of fully-shared happiness; despairing
sighs for the ending of a moral separation, all the more complete
because its origin was not to be sought in their respective faults
(mutual love pardons everything), but in a complete, almost animal,
contrast between the two natures. Not one of his qualities was pleasing
to her; all his defects were displeasing to her. And he adored her. I
had seen enough of many kinds of ill-assorted unions since I had been
going about in society, to understand in full what a silent hell that
one must have been, and the two figures rose up before me in perfect
distinctness. I saw my mother with her gestures--a little affectation
was, so to speak, natural to her--the delicacy of her hands, her fair,
pale complexion, the graceful turn of her head, her studiously
low-pitched voice, the something un-material that pervaded her whole
person, her eyes, whose glance could be so cold, so disdainful; and, on
the other hand, I saw my father with his robust, working-man's frame,
his hearty laugh when he allowed himself to be merry, the professional,
utilitarian, in fact, plebeian, aspect of him, in his ideas and ways,
his gestures and his discourse. But the plebeian was so noble, so lofty
in his generosity, in his deep feeling. He did not know how to show that
feeling; therein lay his crime. On what wretched trifles, when we think
of it, does absolute felicity or irremediable misfortune depend!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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