Alfred Barton looked from mother to son with a singular, wistful
expression. He seemed uncertain whether to speak or how to select his
words. His vain, arrogant spirit was completely broken, but no finer
moral instinct came in its place to guide him; his impulses were still
coarse, and took, from habit, the selfish color of his nature. There are
some persons whom even humiliation clothes with a certain dignity;
but he was not one of them. There are others whose tact, in such
emergencies, assumes the features of principle, and sets up a feeble
claim to respect; but this quality is a result of culture, which he did
not possess. He simply saw what would relieve him from the insupportable
load of obloquy under which he groaned, and awkwardly hazarded the pity
he had excited, in asking for it.
“Mary,” he stammered, “I--I hardly know how to say the words, but you'll
understand me; I want to make good to you all the wrong I did, and there
seems no way but this,--if you'll let me care for you, slave for you,
anything you please; you shall have your own say in house and farm;
Ann'll give up everything to you. She always liked you, she says, and
she's lonely since th' old man died and nobody comes near us--not just
at once, I mean, but after awhile, when you've had time to think of it,
and Gilbert's married. You're independent in your own right, I know,
and needn't do it; but, see! it'd give me a chance, and maybe Gilbert
wouldn't feel quite so hard towards me, and”--
He stopped, chilled by the increasing coldness of his wife's face. She
did not immediately reply; to Martha's eye she seemed to be battling
with some proud, vindictive instinct. But she spoke at last, and calmly:
“Alfred, you should not have gone so far. I have pardoned you, and that
means more than the words. It means that I must try to overcome the
bitterness of my recollections, that I must curb the tongues of others
when they are raised against you, must greet you when we meet, and in
all proper ways show the truth of my forgiveness to the world. Anger
and reproach may be taken from the heart, and yet love be as far off as
ever. If anything ever could lead me back to you it would not be love,
but duty to my son, and his desire; but I cannot see the duty now. I may
never see it. Do not propose this thing again. I will only say, if it
be any comfort to you, that if you try to show your repentance as I my
pardon, try to clean your name from the stain you have cast upon it, my
respect shall keep pace with that of your neighbors, and I shall in this
way, and in no other, be drawn nearer to you!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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