For, of course, she had miscalculated a little--had been stupid to
think that it was all as old a story to him as it was to her.
Obviously it would not at once occur to him that there had been
nothing to find out, but that instead the whole thing had been merely
enacted before her eyes; he was sure to be thinking that on some
point of evidence he had been betrayed. What sort of point that could
be, unless it had something to do with the black eyes that seemed to
haunt Kitty, he might know, but she could not guess; and all at once
she had a purely physical shrinking. She would rather not know. She
could string herself up to the thought of murder, but the bestial
details--no, not those. Those were his affairs. They were to be taken
for granted as things necessarily involved. And already she was on the
point of feeling herself a little disappointed in him. For in the
shadow of the umbrella her eyes had now found his; his head was a
little turned, and she saw the whites of them.
It _was_ fear. She, it seemed, could contemplate unafraid a sacrifice
that he quaked to have carried out.
But as, with another little falling of drops from the umbrella, he
steadied himself and stepped forward from the railings again,
additional light came to her. It was fear, but not that fear, that
haunted the amber eyes. The fear was of herself. He feared, not the
information she possessed, but her whole understanding and
condemnation. He feared lest she also should say: "It was murder; you
are here to be judged; me too, with all the world, you must account
against you; I set my mark too upon your brow."
And as he appeared sorrowfully to acquiesce in that also, nothing
could have seemed lonelier nor more touching than the quietly spoken
words with which he held the umbrella over her again:
"You're getting wet."
It was as though he told her that though he went outcast she must not
get wet.
Her answer was to put her hand under his sleeve again. They walked on.
But he had not answered her question. Perhaps he thought he had: to
all intents and purposes he had; but she wanted, not so much the word,
as that he should not withhold the word. He was walking slowly,
heavily, like a tower by her side; she had the sense of his fearful
overweight; she would give him time. They continued to walk, their
mingled shadow on the pavement as they passed each lamp creeping away
before them as if the beam of some lighthouse had had the sinister
property of obscurity.
Then, within a little distance of Buckingham Palace, she stopped
again. Again their eyes met under the wet, black mushroom of the
umbrella.
"You did kill that boy, didn't you?"
He had a slight start. It seemed to her that he even apologised for
having kept her waiting for the answer. Formerly she had seen
stratagems in his eyes; now, as he dipped the umbrella for a moment
and stood full in the light of another lamp, she looked only into
grave, candid depths.
"Yes," he said. "You know I killed him."
"Ah!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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