"Ladies, those men _must_ marry someone, or the scent-cases and wardrobes will lose their freshness: and they must marry US, or none. It may surprise you when I say that they will prefer even _you_ to _none_: but you will find it is so! "Ladies!" she continued, "we have triumphed! Do you hear the murmur without--the murmur of multitudes like the ocean? It is the men! They know that eleven eligible spinsters--not to speak of our excellent factotum, Miss McSwinger--are assembled in this room. Look!" In two strides she had reached the window-curtains. She threw them back. Without, the whole square and adjacent streets were packed with a surging mass of stove-pipe hats. As the curtains separated there arose a vast and deafening shout, while ten thousand hands simultaneously held aloft ten thousand wedding rings. [Illustration: "MISS CLOOT STEPPED OUT UPON THE BALCONY."] Miss Cloot opened the window, and stepped out upon the balcony. "Gentlemen!" she said, "I must entreat you to be patient and maintain order. It is impossible for us to accept all of you: I regret to inform you that twelve only amid your vast and imposing throng can be made happy. If you will disperse in an orderly way, you can obtain Offer of Marriage forms, which I will ask you to fill up with particulars of your stations in life, incomes, characters, and other details. I have made arrangements so that the forms can be obtained of any respectable chemist, bookseller, tobacconist, or house agent, or at the Army and Navy or Civil Service Stores. "All applications will be considered, and the acceptations printed in the _Times_, _Pink 'Un_, _Matrimonial News_, and _Exchange and Mart_. "I will now entreat you to disperse quietly, without any demonstration. Good-day." * * * * * Three weeks from that time the twelve spinsters were married at St. George's. Miss Cloot had accepted a duke, seven other ladies earls, one a wealthy brewer, two pill millionaires, and the remaining one a poet-laureate. Some time after, the ladies began to return from New York; whether they are any lovelier, I cannot say. Can woman be lovelier than she is? Never mind, I don't want a series of letters about it. At any rate, those twelve ladies married at St. George's are all very, very happy; which shows that, although beauty and goodness are inestimable gifts, wits are worth having. J. F. SULLIVAN. [Illustration: Watches] [Illustration: of All Times] [Illustration: PAL'S PUZZLE PAGE.] INDEX. PAGE. ACTORS' MAKE-UP 149 (_Illustrations_ by HORACE MOREHAM.) ANARCHIST, AN. From the French of EUGÉNE MORET 339 (_Illustrations_ by PAUL HARDY.) ANTONIO'S ENGLISHMAN. By W. L. ALDEN 451