‘I cannot in any other way acknowledge the kindness and courtesy of yourself, Madame, of the Lady Superior, and of the ladies of St. Cyr, than in giving you my word as a _chevalier_ that I shall do myself the honour, and consider it my duty, to be at St. Cyr on Monday next, the 14th, at such hour as may be most convenient to you. I purpose going alone, so that nothing shall divert my attention whilst on my way to the house of the Lord’s elect, and that I may be the better able to benefit by the holiness of your conversation, which is the living expression of the peace that reigns in your hearts, and in the purity of your existence. When I compare the happiness of the solitude you enjoy, and in which I have ever delighted, without being able to experience the pleasure of it, to my terribly agitated existence in the several armies and European Courts during the last forty years, I feel how much I have been removed from the God of humility by the demon of glory; I feel that if I had done for Him the hundredth part of what I had the happiness to do for Louis XV. and for myself, instead of now wearing a red ribbon, I might some day have worn, together with yourselves, the crown of immortality which God has promised to wise virgins. Like a foolish virgin, I have been running after the shadow of things, whilst you, wise virgins, possess the substance through steadfastly abiding in the house of the Lord, and in the path of virtue. _Erravi a viâ justitiæ et sol intelligentiæ non luxit in me._ My only consolation to-day is, that I have had the happiness of preserving intact the flower of purity, the pledge so precious and frail, alas! of our existence and of our faith—and this in the confusion of camps, battles, and sieges.... The only mercy I now ask of God is, not to die in the hands of physicians, surgeons, and apothecaries, but that a cannon ball may carry me off; otherwise, to let me die in solitude.... I pray, Madame, that God may preserve all of our sex from the passion for vain glory, and the love of arms, which is the most serious and dangerous. I alone know what it has cost me to rise above myself. Alas! what restless nights have I not passed for the sake of a few bright and happy days! Truly, it is better to admire from afar the example I have given, than to imitate it. My happiness is nothing but smoke, _fumus_, and I admit that all is vanity of vanities in this world! Until I am able to present to you the original, allow me to offer you the best portrait that has been issued of me in England. I am represented as Pallas. Another is about to be published in Paris, as announced in the “Gazette de France,” and of which you shall have a copy....[349] ‘LA CHEVALIÈRE D’EON.’