"'Pears to me you people is mighty clevah up hyeah; 'tain' no wondah Zachariah don' wan' to come home." Just then they heard a loud whoop outside the door, and a voice broke in upon them singing thickly, "Oh, this spo'tin' life is surely killin' me." The men exchanged startled glances. Turner looked at them, and there was a command in his eye. Several of them hurried out, and he himself arose, saying: "I've got to go out for a little while, but you just make yourself at home, uncle. You can lie down right there on that sofa and push that button there--see, this way--if you want some more toddy. It shan't cost you anything." "Oh, I'll res' myself, but I ain' gwine sponge on you dat away. I got some money," and the old man dug down into his long pocket. But his host laid a hand on his arm. "Your money's no good up here." "Wh--wh--why, I thought dis money passed any whah in de Nunited States!" exclaimed the bewildered old man. "That's all right, but you can't spend it until we run out." "Oh! Why, bless yo' soul, suh, you skeered me. You sho' is clevah." Turner went out and came upon his emissaries, where they had halted the singing Zach in the hallway, and were trying to get into his muddled brain that his father was there. "Wha'sh de ol' man doin' at de 'Banner,' gittin' gay in his ol' days? Hic." That was enough for Turner to hear. "Look a-here," he said, "don't you get flip when you meet your father. He's come a long ways to see you, and I'm damned if he shan't see you right. Remember you're stoppin' at my house as long as the old man stays, and if you make a break while he's here I'll spoil your mug for you. Bring him along, boys." Zach had started in for a Christmas celebration, but they took him into an empty room. They sent to the drug store and bought many things. When the young man came out an hour later he was straight, but sad. "Why, Pap," he said when he saw the old man, "I'll be--" "Hem!" said Turner. "I'll be blessed!" Zach finished. The old man looked him over. "Tsch! tsch! tsch! Dis is a Crismus gif' fu' sho'!" His voice was shaking. "I's so glad to see you, honey; but chile, you smell lak a 'pothac'ay shop." "I ain't been right well lately," said Zach sheepishly. To cover his confusion Turner called for eggnog. When it came the old man said: "Well, I's Baptis' myse'f, but seein' it's Crismus--" JOHNSONHAM, JUNIOR Now any one will agree with me that it is entirely absurd for two men to fall out about their names; but then, circumstances alter cases. It had its beginning in 1863, and it has just ended.