He waited but she did not return. He called at the same place the next
day and the next but she did not appear. Each new love was a first love
to him, only it lashed his soul with greater fury. Ah! the shades of the
past, they were nothing more than a memory to him now. The wilted flower
of yesterday is always forgotten when the perfume of the living one is
wafted into our nostrils. No one was like Miriam. There never was any
other woman as sweet as Miriam. His whole being yearned for her.
Hedwiga, Hilda, Eugenie—they were all fancies—but Miriam—everything
swam before his feverish eyes as he thought of her. Nothing in life
mattered any more—nothing! He tried to see her at her home—to tell her
parents of his love for their daughter, but the rabbi, like Eugenie’s
father, shut the door in his face.
He suddenly awoke from his poet’s dream. He saw nothing but abject
misery around him. He could no longer share in his host’s gayety.
IV.
He curtailed his visit and returned to Berlin heavy of heart, saddened
beyond endurance. His short-lived romance intensified his bitterness
against the rulers of Poland. He hurried to Rahel. He knew no one would
understand his present woe as well as that all-wise woman. She was not
only his literary critic but also his priestess, to whom he confessed
everything. And with that sage smile on her refined intellectual
features she knew how to console, how to tender sympathy, and listened
with genuine concern.
He buried himself in work again but he could not forget his love for
Miriam and with it came the depressing memory of Poland. All his innate
slumbering passions for justice, for liberty, were aroused to a white
heat. Unlike Balaam of old, he had gone to Poland to bless and returned
cursing. Why should he care for personal friendships? Why think of
selfish advantage? Why consider what a hypocritical society might call
poor manners? Like the seers of old he was bidden to speak, and he
seized his pen and told the truth as he saw it regardless of all
consequences.
This essay was the first gun that he fired in the liberation of the
_Junker_-ridden people. For his caustic utterances not only revealed the
tyranny of the Polish nobles but also silhouetted the hideous forms of
the _Junkers_; the censor who had pruned away every trace of humor from
the article, unwittingly failed to strike out a sentence fraught with
danger.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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