"Then say a thousand pounds, and lecture on the need for more electric light. Fancy if I got six per cent!" "This is a very sordid conversation," I said. "If I agree to lecture at all, it will be simply because I feel that I have a message to deliver ... I will now retire into the library and consider what that message is to be." I placed the encyclopaedia handy and sat down at my desk. I had already grasped the fact that the title of my discourse was the important thing. In the list of the Society's lectures sent to me there was hardly one whose title did not impress the imagination in advance. I must be equally impressive ... After a little thought I began to write. "WASPS AND THEIR YOUNG "_Lecture delivered before the Blanktown Literary and Philosophical Society, Tuesday, December 8th._ "_Ladies and Gentlemen_--" "Well," said Celia, drifting in, "how's it going?" I showed her how far I had got. "I thought you always began, 'My Lord Mayor, Ladies and Gentlemen,'" she said. "Only if the Lord Mayor's there." "But how will you know?" "Yes, that's rather awkward. I shall have to ask the Secretary beforehand." I began again. "WASPS AND THEIR YOUNG "_Lecture delivered, etc_.... "_My Lord Mayor, my Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen_--" It looked much better. "What about Baronets?" said Celia. "There's sure to be lots." "Yes, this is going to be difficult. I shall have to have a long talk with the Secretary ... How's this?--'My Lord Mayor, Lords, Baronets, Ladies and Gentlemen and Sundries.' That's got in everybody." "That's all right. And I wanted to ask you: Have you got any lantern slides?" "They're not necessary." "But they're much more fun. Perhaps they'll have some old ones of Vesuvius you can work in. Well, good-bye." And she drifted out. I went on thinking. "No," I said to myself, "I'm on the wrong tack." So I began again:-- "SOME YORKSHIRE POT-HOLES "_Lecture delivered before the Blanktown Literary and Philosophical Society, Tuesday, December 8th_. "_My Lord Mayor, my Lords_--" "I don't want to interrupt," said Celia coming in suddenly, "but--oh, what's a pot-hole?" "A curious underground cavern sometimes found in the North." "Aren't caverns always underground? But you're busy. Will you be in for lunch?" "I shall be writing my lecture all day," I said busily. At lunch I decided to have a little financial talk with Celia. "What I feel is this," I said. "At most I can ask ten guineas for my lecture. Now my expense all the way to the North, with a night at an hotel, will be at least five pounds." "Five-pounds-ten profit," said Celia. "Not bad." "Ah, but wait. I have never spoken in public before. In an immense hall, whose acoustics--" "Who are they?" "Well, never mind. What I mean is that I shall want some elocution lessons. Say five, at a guinea each." "That still leaves five shillings."