We joined in our commendation of the generous Baron. The manner in which
he disclaimed all praise, Miss Finch said, served only to render him
still more praise-worthy. He begged her to keep this little affair a
secret, and particularly from me. I asked Miss Finch, why he should make
that request? "I know not indeed," she answered, "except that, knowing I
was more intimate with you than any one beside, he might mention your
name by way of enforcing the restriction." Soon after this, Miss Finch
took leave.
Oh, Louisa! dare I, even to your indulgent bosom, confide my secret
thoughts? How did I lament not being in the Park the day of this
adventure. _I_ might then have been the envied _confidante_ of the
amiable Ton-hausen. They have had frequent conversations in consequence.
The softness which the melancholy detail gave to Miss Finch's looks and
expressions, have deeply impressed the mind of the Baron. Should I have
shewn less sensibility? I have, indeed, rather sought to conceal the
tenderness of my soul. I have been constrained to do so. Miss Finch has
given her's full scope, and has riveted the chain which her beauty and
accomplishments first forged. But what am I doing? Oh! my sister, chide
me for thus giving loose to such expressions. How much am I to blame!
How infinitely more prudent is the Baron! He begged that _I_, of all
persons, should not know his generosity. Heavens! what an idea does that
give birth to! He has seen--Oh! Louisa, what will become of me, if he
should have discovered the struggles of my soul? If he should have
searched into the recesses of my heart, and developed the thin veil I
spread over the feelings I have laboured incessantly to overcome! He
then, perhaps, wished to conceal his excellencies from me, lest I should
be too partial to them. I ought then to copy his discretion. I will do
so; Yes, Louisa, I will drive his image from my bosom! I ought--I know
it would be my interest to wish him married to Miss Finch, or any one
that would make him happy. I am culpable in harbouring the remotest
desire of his preserving his attachment to me. He has had virtue enough.
to conquer so _improper_ an attachment; and, if improper in him, how
infinitely more so in me! But I will dwell no longer on this forbidden
subject; let me set bounds to my pen, as an earnest that I most truly
mean to do so to my thoughts.
Think what an enormous packet I shall send you. Preserve your affection
for me, my dearest sister; and, trust to my asseverations, you shall
have no cause to blush for
JULIA STANLEY.
LETTER XXVIII.
TO Miss GRENVILLE.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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