English fiction -- 19th century; Short stories, English
When Ormsby came in, I watched him apprehensively as he read the
envelope upon his desk and saw its contents. He said nothing, however,
though he shot a malignant glance in my direction; but the lesson was
not lost upon him, for from that time he avoided all open ill-treatment
of me, and even went so far as to assume a friendliness which might have
reassured me had I not instinctively felt that it merely masked the old
dislike.
I was constantly the victim of mishaps, in the shape of missing and
defaced books, ink mysteriously spilt or strangely adulterated, and,
though I could never trace them to any definite hand, they seemed too
systematic to be quite accidental; still I made no sign, and hoped thus
to disarm my persecutor--if persecutor there were.
As for my companions, I knew that in no case would they take the trouble
to interfere in my behalf; they had held aloof from the first, the
general opinion (which I now perceive was not unjust) being that 'I
deserved all I got.'
And my estrangement from Marjory grew wider and wider; she never spoke
to me now when we sat near one another at the drawing-class; if she
looked at me it was by stealth, and with a glance that I thought
sometimes was contemptuously pitiful, and sometimes half fancied
betrayed a willingness to return to the old comradeship.
But I nursed my stupid, sullen pride, though my heart ached with it at
times. For I had now come to love Marjory devotedly, with a love that,
though I was a boy and she was a child, was as genuine as any I am ever
likely to feel again.
The chance of seeing her now and then, of hearing her speak--though it
was not to me--gave me the one interest in my life, which, but for her,
I could hardly have borne. But this love of mine was a very far-off and
disinterested worship after all. I could not imagine myself ever
speaking of it to her, or picture her as accepting it. Marjory was too
thorough a child to be vulgarised in that way, even in thought.
The others were healthy, matter-of-fact youths, to whom Marjory was an
ordinary girl, and who certainly did not indulge in any strained
sentiment respecting her; it was left for me to idealise her; but of
that, at least, I cannot feel ashamed, or believe that it did me
anything but good.
And the days went on, until it wanted but a fortnight to Christmas, and
most of us were thinking of the coming holidays, and preparing with a
not unpleasant excitement for the examinations, which were all that
barred the way to them now. I was to spend my Christmas with my uncle
and cousins, who would by that time be able to receive me; but I felt no
very pleasurable anticipations, for my cousins were all boys, and from
boys I thought I knew what to expect.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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