"Meaning, my dear boy, that I can't forget the black hatred in your eyes
one day in the woods when I wrestled with that vengeance fire
smouldering deep in your nature. You haven't forgotten that afternoon,
have you? The day when you promised that until you came of age you would
put aside the conviction that Saul Fulton was your man to kill?"
"I haven't forgotten it, sir."
As Boone answered, the older man thought that, if something in the blue
pupils stood for any meaning, he might also have added that neither had
he entirely conquered the bitterness of that earlier time. Then Boone
went on slowly:
"I kept my word, but you wouldn't have me go so far in turning the other
cheek as to let him kill me--by his own hand or that of a
hireling--would you?"
The gray eyes of the tall soldier held both sternness and reminiscence,
but the reminiscence was all for something that brought a painful train
of thought. Those were eyes that seemed looking back on smoking ruin,
and that sought out of disastrous experience, to sound a warning. Into
Boone's mind flashed a couplet:
"The Emperor there in his box of state, looked grave as though he had
just then seen
The red flags fly from the city gates--where his eagles of bronze had
been."
At times, when McCalloway wore that cryptic expression, Boone burned
with an eager curiosity to have the curtain lifted for him, and to be
able to see just what life had once spelled for this extraordinary man.
Now the veteran was speaking again with a carefully intoned voice:
"I would have you defend your life, aggressively and fully, but your
honour no less jealously. I am no psychologist, but I have read that
almost every man has some spot on his sanity that is like a blind spot
on his eye. Into your blood, distilled through generations, came a
spirit that made a veritable religion of vengeance. You have sought to
modify that and to become an apostle of progress. Apparently you have
succeeded."
He paused and cleared his throat, and Boone once more prompted him with
an interrogative repetition:
"Apparently, sir?"
"Yes, apparently--because one hour of passion might blacken your future
into ruin; char it into destruction. In God's name make no such mistake.
If Saul Fulton seeks your life, as you suggest, he should pay for his
plotting, and pay in full. But if, by the subconscious workings of that
old hatred, you are placing the blame on Saul because Saul is the man
that instinct seeks a pretext to kill, then let me implore you to search
your soul before you act."
Boone made no response, but over the clear intelligence of his pleasing
features went the cloud of that unforgettable thing that had been with
him from childhood. It was the same cloud that had settled there when he
had made shrill interruption in the courtroom where Asa Gregory's life
was being sworn away.
Into McCalloway's voice leaped a fiery quality.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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