The atmosphere of the home, as he had always known it, had been one
of silent restraint, and there had been nothing like man-to-man
comradeship between his father and himself. Not that this was at all
singular. He had known many other households in the homeland in which
the same spirit of reticence and aloofness, the same repression of
all the emotions, were the natural order of things. The attitude was
ingrained in the bone and blood; a heritage which, as he now realized,
was his and his forebears’; the bequeathing of the stern stock which
had fled from tyranny in England only to set up a repressive tyranny of
its own in the new land beyond the sea.
But such reflections as these did not serve to lessen the completeness,
the crushing completeness, of the blow that had fallen. Where was now
that righteous pride of race he had paraded before Jean Dabney, the
boast of honest and upright ancestors he had so confidently made?--he,
the son of a thief, a gambler, a hardened breaker of the laws of God
and man. Of what use to him now was the growing hoard of gold in the
Denver bank, since it could never buy back that which was irretrievably
lost? How could he go on living from day to day with the knowledge that
the accident of any day might give some sensation-mongering newspaper
reporter the chance to write up Lucky-strike Trask of the “Little Jean”
as the son of a well-known local faro-dealer and sporting man? In his
mind’s eye he could visualize the mocking headlines, and a wave of
impotent rage, the agony of a tortured ego, swept over him.
He had no desire to eat when the train halted at the midday dinner
station and did not leave his place in the chair-car. Later, through
the long afternoon, he looked out, with eyes that saw without
perceiving, upon the passing panorama of canyon cliffs and forested
mountain slopes, of undulating distances in the South Park and the
uplifted peaks of the Mosquito Range, deep in the misery of his
wounding; aghast at the prospect of the future. It was with an added
degree of wretchedness that he realized that his love for Jean Dabney,
restrained and calmly calculated hitherto, seemed to have been set free
in the chaotic crash of things, blazing up in passionate intensity
now that its object was, as he told himself bitterly, snatched out of
reach. That he could never go to her with the story of his humiliating
discovery was the first sickening conclusion that had burned itself
into his consciousness; and now this was followed by the appalling
after-conclusion that he could not go to her at all; that the discovery
in the gambling hell had cut him off at once and irrevocably from all
association with her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account