When Power looked at his dead mother, he saw her as she might have
looked in placid sleep when he was a boy in San Francisco. But a
discovery that is often soothing to those who are bereft of their
nearest and dearest brought him no consolation. His stupor of grief and
misery was denied the relief of tears. Rather did his brooding thought
run to the other extreme. The mother he loved was at rest--why should he
not join her? He believed, like many another man who has passed through
the furnace of a soul-destroying passion, that he had drunk the
flame-wreathed cup of life to the dregs. The fiery potion had swept
through his veins and reduced him to ashes. He was no longer even the
recluse of the Dolores Ranch, finding in books solace for a lost love,
but the burnt-out husk of his former self. What was there left, that he
should wish to live? Why should he not end it all, and seek the kindly
oblivion of the grave?
Ever stronger and more insistently did this idea take root in his mind,
and some evil monitor seemed to bellow it at him when he stood next day
in the cemetery, and saw the coffin lowered into the earth. The
beautiful words of the burial service give sorely needed help to
stricken hearts; but this man's ears were closed to their solemn
promise.
"I am the resurrection and the life, saith the Lord: he that believeth
in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live."
The minister's voice, hitherto broken and tremulous, for he held the
dead woman in much esteem, and her loss was grievous to him, rang out
with a new confidence when it declaimed that splendid passage; yet Power
was conscious only of a desire to cry aloud in frenzied protest. Then
that phase passed; the tumult died down; he shrank into a lethargy which
was infinitely more dangerous than a state of wild revolt.
In that black mood he was watched unceasingly by faithful friends.
MacGonigal and Jake were never far from his side. Though he did not know
of, and would have angrily resented, their quiet guardianship, he could
not have taken his own life just then, and the time was yet far distant
when he would ask himself in wonder and thankfulness how he had escaped
death by his own hand during the first dreary hours following his return
to Bison.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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