have poised, and lost myself in a blissful dream. Then it darted into
my mind that I was what I had been accustomed to call dead. So this
was what lay on the other side of the dark passage, this lightness,
this perfect freedom, this undreamed-of peace! I had not a single care
or anxiety. It seemed as if nothing could trouble my repose and
happiness. I could only think with a deep compassion of those who were
still pent in uneasy bodies, under strait and sad conditions, anxious,
sad, troubled, and blind, not knowing that the shadow of death which
encompassed them was but the cloud which veiled the gate of perfect and
unutterable happiness.
I felt rising in my mind a sense of all that lay before me, of all the
mysteries that I would penetrate, all the unvisited places that I would
see. But at present I was too full of peace and quiet happiness to do
anything but stay in an infinite content where I was. All sense of
_ennui_ or restlessness had left me. I was utterly free, utterly
blest. I did, indeed, once send my thought to the home which I loved,
and saw a darkened house, and my dear ones moving about with grief
written legibly on their faces. I saw my mother sitting looking at
some letters which I perceived to be my own, and was aware that she
wept. But I could not even bring myself to grieve at that, because I
knew that the same peace and joy that filled me was also surely
awaiting them, and the darkest passage, the sharpest human suffering,
seemed so utterly little and trifling in the light of my new knowledge;
and I was soon back on my cliff-top again, content to wait, to rest, to
luxuriate in a happiness which seemed to have nothing selfish about it,
because the satisfaction was so perfectly pure and natural.
While I thus waited I became aware, with the same sort of sudden
perception, of a presence beside me. It had no outward form; but I
knew that it was a spirit full of love and kindness: it seemed to me to
be old; it was not divine, for it brought no awe with it; and yet it
was not quite human; it was a spirit that seemed to me to have been
human, but to have risen into a higher sphere of perception. I simply
felt a sense of deep and pure companionship. And presently I became
aware that some communication was passing between my consciousness and
the consciousness of the newly-arrived spirit. It did not take place
in words, but in thought; though only by words can I now represent it.
"Yes," said the other, "you do well to rest and to be happy: is it not
a wonderful experience? and yet you have been through it many times
already, and will pass through it many times again."
I suppose that I did not wholly understand this, for I said: "I do not
grasp that thought, though I am certain it is true: have I then died
before?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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