Civil service -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
Linda, among all her virtues, had not that of reticence, and her mother
had soon learnt from her what had been said that night in their bedroom
about Charley. But this violation of confidence, if it was a violation,
was hardly necessary to make Mrs. Woodward aware of what was passing
in her daughter's bosom. When Katie ceased to ask that Charley might
be sent for, when she ceased to plead for his pardon and to praise his
virtues, Mrs. Woodward knew well the cause of her silence. It was not
that others suspected her love, but that she had learned to suspect it
herself. It was not that she was ashamed of loving Charley, but that she
felt at once that such love would distress her mother's heart.
As she sat there that night fingering her silken hair, she had asked
herself whether in truth this man was master of her heart; she had
probed her young bosom, which now, by a sudden growth, became quick with
a woman's impulse, and she had owned to herself that she did love him.
He was dearer to her, she found, than all in the world beside. Fondly as
she loved her sister, sweet to her as were her mother's caresses, their
love was not as precious to her as his might be. And then she remembered
what he was, what was the manner of his life, what his character; how
different he was from Alaric or Harry Norman; she remembered this,
and knew that her love was an unhappy passion. Herself she would
have sacrificed: prisoner as he had been, debtor as he was, drunkard,
penniless, and a spendthrift, she would not have hesitated to take him
for her guide through life, and have done what a woman might to guide
him in return. But she would not sacrifice her mother. She saw now why
Charley was not asked, and silently acquiesced in his banishment.
She was not yet quite seventeen. Not yet seventeen! the reader will say.
She was still such a child, and yet arguing to herself about spendthrift
debtors and self-sacrifice! All this bombast at sixteen and a half.
No, my ungentle reader, not all this bombast at sixteen and a half. The
bombast is mine. It is my fault if I cannot put into fitting language
the thoughts which God put into her young heart. In her mind's
soliloquy, Charley's vices were probably all summed up in the one word,
unsteady. 'Why is he so unsteady? Why does he like these wicked things?'
And then as regarded Mrs. Woodward, she did but make a resolve that
not even for her love would she add to the unhappiness of that loving,
tenderest mother. There was no bombast in Katie, either expressed or
unexpressed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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