Civil service -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
Indeed, so lamentable a proposition as this of building a bridge across
the river had never before been mooted by the public. Men conversant
with such matters gave it as their opinion that no amount of tolls that
could reasonably be expected would pay one per cent on the money which
it was proposed to expend; that sum, however, they stated, would not
more than half cover the full cost of the bridge. Traffic would be
prohibited by the heavy charges which would be necessary, and the
probability would be that the ferry would still continue to be the
ordinary mode of crossing the river.
A gentleman, accustomed to use strong figures of speech, declared that
if such a bridge were built, the wisest course would be to sow the
surface with grass, and let it out for grazing. This witness was taken
specially in hand by Mr. Nogo, and targed very tightly. Mr. Vigil had
contrived to prove, out of the mouths of inimical witnesses, the very
reverse of that which they had been summoned thither to assert. The
secret of the ferry had been first brought to the light by the gentleman
who could not visit his daughter at Deptford, and so on. These triumphs
had evidently been very pleasant to Mr. Vigil, and Mr. Nogo thought that
he might judiciously take a leaf out of the Treasury book. Actuated
by this ambition, he, with the assistance of his friend, the M'Carthy
Desmond, put no less than 2,250 questions to the gentleman who suggested
the grazing, in order to induce him to say, that if there were a bridge,
men would probably walk over it. But they could not bring him to own to
a single passenger, unless they would abandon the tolls. The most that
they could get from him was, that perhaps an old woman, with more money
than wit, might go over it on a Sunday afternoon, if--which he did not
believe--any old woman existed, _in that part of the world_, who had
more money than wit.
This witness was kept in the chair for three days, during which Mr.
Vigil was nearly driven wild by the loss of his valuable time. But he
did not complain. Nor would he have complained, though he might have
absented himself, had the witness been kept in the chair three
weeks instead of three days. The expense of the committee, including
witnesses, shorthand-writers, and printing, was about £60 a day, but
it never occurred to any one of the number to get up and declare with
indignation, that such a waste of money and time on so palpably absurd a
scheme was degrading, and to demand an immediate close of their labours.
It all went smoothly to the end, and Mr. Nogo walked off from his task
with the approving conscience of a patriotic legislator.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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