All was quiet as I entered the room. I switched on my bedside light,
undressed, and got into bed. But I was not very sleepy, so I got out
again, reached down a book at random, punched my pillow into position
and began to read.
I was not very lucky in my book, however, and my attention wandered.
From wondering what was wrong with my author I passed away from him
altogether, and presently found myself spinning, as it were, fantasias
on life in human terms. And as I continued to do this these fantasias
began to accrete more and more about the figure of Derwent Rose.
What a history had unfolded since that afternoon when I had found him in
the Lyonnesse Club, gazing at his image in the glass of a framed print
on the wall! Hitherto I had contemplated that unfolding only a portion
at a time. I had typified him as it were in terms of his books, had seen
the man who had written _The Hands of Esau_ give way to him who had
written _An Ape in Hell_, and this one in turn to the author of _The
Vicarage of Bray_. I had taken him phase by phase; I was not yet sure of
a single unit of the repeating-pattern of his backward life. But these
books were not merely his three principal books. They were his only
books of any importance. All prior to the _Vicarage_ had been
experimental, fragmentary, partial--as indeed all he had ever done was
fragmentary and partial by the side of the huge and desperate work he
now contemplated. Therefore we were at the end of measurement by books.
The rest was in Julia Oliphant's possession. She was now his sole
authentic companion, and soon she would have shouldered even me
completely out of his life, and would go forward--backward--with him
alone.
My thoughts passed to her. What a history for her too since that
afternoon when I had taken her hands in mine, had asked her a question,
and had had her matter-of-fact reply, "Of course; all my life; but it
never made any difference to him." Now it was to make a difference to
him. Though he presently eluded her never so swiftly down the slippery
years, she had come to the conclusion that it was worth it. And, for a
few weeks, a few hours yet, I had to admit that they were not
ill-matched. Mrs Truscott had thought that she was older than he, but
had none the less assumed them to be lovers. He, of course, had sunk
into a vast of sleep an hour ago, but I wondered whether she was at that
moment lying awake, scheming, contriving, making sure....
Then, tired of thought, I switched off my lamp and closed my eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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