For it seemed to me to lead like a ray straight into the blinding heart
of the Sun of Life. The mind blinked in its attempt to follow it; I
believe I actually passed my hand over my eyes as if to shut out a
physical dazzling. I have said a little, a very little, about Derwent
Rose's books; but how if they, foursquare and strongly-built as they
were, were merely external things, well enough in their way, but clogged
in the gross and unwieldy medium through which his central fire and
power torturedly struggled? How if a more essential beauty should
presently appear, free of these trammels of process, independent of
acquirement and painful lore, dissociated from performance--shining,
self-sufficient, its mere existence its own justification and law?
"Every morning of my life," he had once said, "I've tried to wake up as
if that was the first day of the world." Was he now on the way to his
fulfilment? Was that first morning actually about to dawn for him? Was
an early sun about to rise on a creature _not_ ready-made, _not_
pre-instructed, unfettered by the prejudice of a single word, but man
given to all understanding, man at the moment of his perfection, man
liberated, and without a name or foothold in the human world?
A pretty speculation, I say, for a humdrum old gentleman going home to
luncheon!
Luncheon over, I took a liqueur with Alec in the pergola. The lattice of
shadow flecked the ascending smoke from his pipe.
"By the way, what became of you last night? You didn't go on to the
Casino, did you?" he said.
"No. I took a walk."
"I heard you come in. The others had only just gone to bed. And of
course Jennie was dog-tired and went upstairs with a headache."
"Well, she's coming for a walk with me this afternoon."
"Then for goodness' sake take her somewhere quiet. It isn't my idea of a
holiday that you have to take a rest-cure after it."
I laughed. "I'll look after her. But when I'm with Jennie I like as many
people as possible to see me with Jennie."
"Then tell her that and shake her out of herself, you old humbug. Hanged
if I'd trust her with you if you were a few years younger."
"You'll have to trust her with somebody presently."
"Plenty of time for that yet," Alec grunted. "I've got my eye on it all
right.... Well, if you're going out I'm going to have forty of the best.
Watch me fade away----"
He proceeded to "fade away," while the shadows crept over the ascending
smoke from his pipe on the table.
On this occasion, however, I was content to forego my pride in being
seen with Jennie by my side. Just a quiet cliff-path not too far away
would do. There is much to be said for a quiet cliff-path when a young
woman feels the first sweet trouble at her heart.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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