But it was not demonstration that swayed me to my irrevocable act. It
was rather that transcending love that he himself had invoked. Love and
pity lest this my son should once more be cast to the wolves of pain
welled up like a sudden fountain in my heart. Nay, not from my own poor
heart did it well, but from That above us that showed its dim crowned
head and outspread arms every four seconds, every eleven seconds, four
times a minute, cloaked itself in the night again, and again softly
reappeared with the sweep of the occulted Light--from That I think my
pity descended. No thought for the morrow had that Original taken, no
care of father or mother or friend, but only for the weak and the
outcasts of the world. Who was outcast if this grave and destiny-ridden
young figure before me was not? I had stood before him waiting for him
to strike me down; now in his patience and submission he struck me down.
I could leave the Airds. I could turn my back on them for ever. This
dark-bloused lad was my loved son, who mutely implored me to be given
his chance. Were the Airds to die I should have to part from them.
Death, that comes unannounced at any moment, parts us from all our
friends. My portrait need never hang in the Lyonnesse Club to remind
Madge Aird that she had once had a friend who had betrayed her. I need
not even return to England. So Derry might but establish himself, what
did it matter though I wandered? I had no love, nobody had a love for
me, such as that that made his days and nights softly radiant. In a few
years I should be gone. But he would be once more in the glory of his
prime, living a life of my giving. In him would be my resurrection. To
help him over this dead point the rest of my life was at his service.
His prayer should be answered.
But not without a stipulation. When all is said one has to be
practical. Should she after all fail to lead him by the hand forward
again into those fair and untrodden fields of life, all was rescinded.
He must report progress. No step must be taken without my knowledge. One
does not meditate a treason against one's friends quite so
light-heartedly as all that. Nor need he yet be told what I had in my
mind. I turned to him.
"I shall go back now," I said.
He did not speak.
"But I shall do nothing to-night. In fact I won't do anything till I've
seen you again."
He did not thank me in words.
"But the understanding is that you do nothing either. Is that agreed?"
"I promise that, sir."
"Then that's all. I'm very tired. I think I want to sleep."
"Won't you lean on my shoulder, sir?"
"Perhaps I will----"
Only to touch her willing hand--only to carry her letter in his
breast--only to feel that in the unison of their two hearts the rest of
the world might be lost in oblivion----
VI
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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