"Then off you go now, while I'm here. But you're not to say a word about
my coming. Then if I were you I should get off to Haslemere."
She meant I had better get out of the way altogether. I sighed....
"Well, come and get your books."
We sought the reading-room, and I put her into a seat and passed to the
catalogue counter. I took her slips to her for signature, dropped them
into the basket, and then returned to her. It was early, and few readers
had yet arrived. We were in the "N" bay, which we had to ourselves. I
saw her look up at the million books, dingy and misty in the pale light
of the high rotunda. I saw her dark eyes travel along the frieze of
names in tarnished gold--Carlyle, Tennyson, Browning. In the past I have
spent a good deal of time in the reading-room; now it is a place I get
out of as quickly as I can. It crushes me, annihilates my spirit with
the weight of the vanity of vanities. Of the makers, as well as of the
making of books, there is no end. They are born, they lisp, they spell,
they write; and then they die. The eager heart, the busy brain, are a
few tarnished letters on a frieze, a strip of paper gummed into the
casualty-list of a catalogue. We think, write, and to-morrow we die.
Only one man was not going to think, write, and die to-morrow. He was
going to be different from all men who had gone before him. Because of
something that had happened to him, he was going to blazon his name, not
in that circular cemetery of dead books, but across the whole width of
the heavens outside.
And this tired woman trifling with the tips of her long fingers against
the book-rest as she waited for her books was going to be his
accomplice. She was going, by means of something called love, to keep
him at that acme of his powers where innocence and wisdom met and in the
past he had thrown her a friendly word from time to time. She was going,
single-handed, to arrest that backward drift of his life. Whatever had
caused it should be thwarted in her. He should _not_ be thirty. He
_should_ remain, if she could compass it, thirty-three for as long as he
wanted--for the rest of his life and hers.
I wondered the dome did not fall on her.
Presently she turned her head and smiled in my eyes.
"Well, don't you wait, George. Thanks so much. Good-bye."
I left her sitting there, in that vast and brown-hued well, still
waiting for her books.
PART IV
THE DOUBLE CROSS
I
A conspicuous feature about my small house in Surrey is its lake--eighty
yards by forty of clear dark water among the oak and willows, spring-fed
and with trout in it. This lake lies immediately in front of the house,
where other houses have their lawns. It needs a good deal of attention,
for springtime sheddings that are charming on grass are messy on water,
and nothing but wind can sweep the glossy surface. But its infinite
variety of mood lights up the whole place like a smiling eye, and I am
very attached to it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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