T.C.--The strange animals are all there--you might be caged. T.T.--Well then, Iona Station? T.C.--What station do you own? T.T.--You seem stupid, I mean I might go to Iona Station. T.C.--You have my permission, Ruben. T.T.--I do want to go there in the worst way. T.C.--Then don’t use this line, we’re the best way--P.D.Q. way. T.T.--Oh indeed, what does “P.D.Q.” mean? T.C.--I hate to tell you. T.T.--But listen, my dear young man: T.C.--Nay, Cæsar, I’m not your dear young man! T.T.--May I leave this basket of potatoes in the Office? T.C.--Read that warning: ALL PARCELS, PACKAGES AND GRIPS LEFT AND NOT CHECKED, MUST BE CHECKED OR THEY CANNOT BE LEFT IN THE DEPOT. T.C.--What kind of nuggets are the spuds? T.T.--Early Rose, my fine fellow. T.C.--Some mistake, never knew Rose to rise early since Daylight Saving came. T.T.--When will the 2.00 o’clock train come? T.C.--One sixty. T.T.--Will she be long? T.C.--Oh, about seven cars. T.T.--Does she arrive soon? T.C.--She’s about due, there comes the conductor’s dog. T.T.--Where will she come in, you Smart Aleck? T.C.--Right behind the engine to-day, I think. T.T.--How long will she wait here? T.C.--From two to two, to two two! T.T.--(Musingly), he thinks he’s the whistle on the locomotive. What part of the train do you consider most dangerous? T.C.--Dining car, answered the dyspeptic. T.T.--What became of the other clerk who was here? T.C.--In the asylum--one day a woman got a ticket without asking questions. T.T.--Mercy Mister, this is terryble, give me a ticket to Moffat’s Corners. T.C.--Can’t give you one, but I will sell it. T.T.--Why is my train arriving so late? T.C.--It’s just like this: the train ahead is behind, and this train was behind before besides. T.T.--Ma’ conscience! When they found the old gentleman towards sundown, he had wandered to the yard limits and was seated in a free reclining chair car waiting for a hair cut. On hearing the doctor’s diagnosis: “Reason undermined,” he was assisted to an ambulance, as a hoot owl settled on the bridge at midnight, and a yellow fog enveloped the sleeping city. ❦ ❦ ❦ A DESERVED REBUKE Speaking of “Back talk” at a railwaymen’s dinner, President Howard Elliott of the New Haven Lines, expressed sympathy for an employee temporarily under unbearable conditions and explained that when the conductor was punching tickets a man said to him, with a nasty sneer--“You have a lot of wrecks on this road, don’t you?” “Oh no,” said the conductor, “You’re the first I’ve seen for some time”. PHILADELPHIA BULLETIN ❦ ❦ ❦ ONCE WAS ENOUGH A sweet young thing who had not traveled much, was riding on a high speed interurban trolley noted for its accidents.