Thus, he continued, I have caused suffering because I loved, and also
have I caused suffering because I did not love—but how great was the
difference in the two cases! In the one the slowly dropping tears of
well-tried love seemed already to know, at the depths of them, that
they were bedewing all that was ineffable in our united souls; in the
other the poor tears knew that they were falling in solitude on a
desert. But it is at those very moments when the soul is all ear—or,
haply, all soul—that I have recognised the might of an invisible
goodness that could offer to the wretched tears of an expiring love the
divine illusions of a love on the eve of birth. Has there never come
to you one of those sorrowful evenings when dejection lay heavy upon
your unsmiling kisses, and it at length dawned upon your soul that it
had been mistaken? With direst difficulty did your words ring forth in
the cold air of the separation that was to be final; you were about to
part for ever, and your almost lifeless hands were outstretched for
the farewell of a departure that should know no return, when suddenly
your soul made an imperceptible movement within itself. On that instant
did the soul by the side of you awake on the summits of its being;
something sprang to life in regions loftier far than the love of jaded
lovers; and for all that the bodies might shrink asunder, henceforth
would the souls never forget that for an instant they had beheld each
other high above mountains they had never seen, and that for a second’s
space they had been good with a goodness they had never known until
that day....
What can this be, this mysterious movement that I speak of here in
connection with love only, but which may well take place in the
smallest events of life? Is it I know not what sacrifice or inner
embrace, is it the profoundest desire to be soul for a soul, or the
consciousness, ever quickening within us, of the presence of a life
that is invisible, but equal to our own? Is it all that is admirable
and sorrowful in the mere act of living that, at such moments, floods
our being—is it the aspect of life, one and indivisible? I know not;
but in truth it is then that we feel that there lurks, somewhere, an
unknown force; it is then that we feel that we are the treasures of an
unknown God who loves all, that not a gesture of this God may pass
unperceived, and that we are at length in the region of things that do
not betray themselves....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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