Certain it is that, from the day of our birth to the day of our death,
we never emerge from this clearly defined region, but wander in God
like helpless sleepwalkers, or like the blind who despairingly seek the
very temple in which they do indeed befind themselves. We are there in
life, man against man, soul against soul, and day and night are spent
under arms. We never see each other, we never touch each other. We see
nothing but bucklers and helmets, we touch nothing but iron and brass.
But let a tiny circumstance, come from the simpleness of the sky, for
one instant only cause the weapons to fall, are there not always tears
beneath the helmet, childlike smiles behind the buckler, and is not
another verity revealed?
He thought for a moment, then went on, more sadly: A woman—as I
believe I told you just now—a woman to whom I had caused suffering
against my will—for the most careful of us scatter suffering around
them without their knowledge—a woman to whom I had caused suffering
against my will, revealed to me one evening the sovereign power of this
invisible good. To be good we must needs have suffered; but perhaps it
is necessary to have caused suffering before we can become better. This
was brought home to me that evening. I felt that I had arrived, alone,
at that sad zone of kisses when it seems to us that we are visiting
the hovels of the poor, while she, who had lingered on the road, was
still smiling in the palace of the first days. Love, as men understand
it, was dying between us like a child stricken with a disease come one
knows not whence, a disease that has no pity. We said nothing. It would
be impossible for me to recall what my thoughts were at that earnest
moment. They were doubtless of no significance. I was probably thinking
of the last face I had seen, of the quivering gleam of a lantern at
a deserted street corner; and, nevertheless, _everything took place_
in a light a thousand times purer, a thousand times higher, than had
there intervened all the forces of pity and love which I command in my
thoughts and my heart. We parted, and not a word was spoken, but at one
and the same moment had we understood our inexpressible thought. We
know now that another love had sprung to life, a love that demands not
the words, the little attentions and smiles of ordinary love. We have
never met again. Perhaps centuries will elapse before we ever do meet
again.
‘Much is to learn, much to forget,
Through worlds I shall traverse not a few’
before we shall again find ourselves _in the same movement of the
soul_ as on that evening: but we can well afford to wait....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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