She smiled suddenly in his direction, without perceiving him. He pulled
the portmanteau under his legs, and Helena edged past. She stood by the
door, leaning forward with some of her old protective grace, her
“Hawwa” spirit evident. Benign and shielding, she bent forward, looking
at Siegmund. But her face was blank with helplessness, with misery of
helplessness. She stood looking at Siegmund, saying nothing. His
forehead was scorched and swollen, she noticed sorrowfully, and beneath
one eye the skin was blistered. His eyes were bloodshot and glazed in a
kind of apathy; they filled her with terror. He looked up at her
because she wished it. For himself, he could not see her; he could only
recoil from her. All he wished was to hide himself in the dark, alone.
Yet she wanted him, and so far he yielded. But to go to Waterloo he
could not yield.
The people in the carriage, made uneasy by this strange farewell, did
not speak. There were a few taut moments of silence. No one seems to
have strength to interrupt these spaces of irresolute anguish. Finally,
the guard’s whistle went. Siegmund and Helena clasped hands. A warm
flush of love and healthy grief came over Siegmund for the last time.
The train began to move, drawing Helena’s hand from his.
“Monday,” she whispered—“Monday,” meaning that on Monday she should
receive a letter from him. He nodded, turned, hesitated, looked at her,
turned and walked away. She remained at the window watching him depart.
“Now, dear, we are manless,” said Olive in a whisper. But her attempt
at a joke fell dead. Everybody was silent and uneasy.
XXVII
He hurried down the platform, wincing at every stride, from the memory
of Helena’s last look of mute, heavy yearning. He gripped his fists
till they trembled; his thumbs were again closed under his fingers.
Like a picture on a cloth before him he still saw Helena’s face, white,
rounded, in feature quite mute and expressionless, just made terrible
by the heavy eyes, pleading dumbly. He thought of her going on and on,
still at the carriage window looking out; all through the night rushing
west and west to the land of Isolde. Things began to haunt Siegmund
like a delirium. He knew not where he was hurrying. Always in front of
him, as on a cloth, was the face of Helena, while somewhere behind the
cloth was Cornwall, a far-off lonely place where darkness came on
intensely. Sometimes he saw a dim, small phantom in the darkness of
Cornwall, very far off. Then the face of Helena, white, inanimate as a
mask, with heavy eyes, came between again.
He was almost startled to find himself at home, in the porch of his
house. The door opened. He remembered to have heard the quick thud of
feet. It was Vera. She glanced at him, but said nothing. Instinctively
she shrank from him. He passed without noticing her. She stood on the
door-mat, fastening the door, striving to find something to say to him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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