The heavy train settled down to an easy, unbroken stroke, swinging like
a greyhound over the level northwards. All the time Siegmund was
mechanically thinking the well-known movement from the Valkyrie Ride,
his whole self beating to the rhythm. It seemed to him there was a
certain grandeur in this flight, but it hurt him with its heavy
insistence of catastrophe. He was afraid; he had to summon his courage
to sit quiet. For a time he was reassured; he believed he was going on
towards the right end. He hunted through the country and the sky,
asking of everything, “Am I right? Am I right?” He did not mind what
happened to him, so long as he felt it was right. What he meant by
“right” he did not trouble to think, but the question remained. For a
time he had been reassured; then a dullness came over him, when his
thoughts were stupid, and he merely submitted to the rhythm of the
train, which stamped him deeper and deeper with a brand of catastrophe.
The sun had gone down. Over the west was a gush of brightness as the
fountain of light bubbled lower. The stars, like specks of froth from
the foaming of the day, clung to the blue ceiling. Like spiders they
hung overhead, while the hosts of the gold atmosphere poured out of the
hive by the western low door. Soon the hive was empty, a hollow dome of
purple, with here and there on the floor a bright brushing of wings—a
village; then, overhead, the luminous star-spider began to run.
“Ah, well!” thought Siegmund—he was tired—“if one bee dies in a swarm,
what is it, so long as the hive is all right? Apart from the gold
light, and the hum and the colour of day, what was I? Nothing! Apart
from these rushings out of the hive, along with swarm, into the dark
meadows of night, gathering God knows what, I was a pebble. Well, the
day will swarm in golden again, with colour on the wings of every bee,
and humming in each activity. The gold and the colour and sweet smell
and the sound of life, they exist, even if there is no bee; it only
happens we see the iridescence on the wings of a bee. It exists whether
or not, bee or no bee. Since the iridescence and the humming of life
_are_ always, and since it was they who made me, then I am not lost. At
least, I do not care. If the spark goes out, the essence of the fire is
there in the darkness. What does it matter? Besides, I _have_ burned
bright; I have laid up a fine cell of honey somewhere—I wonder where?
We can never point to it; but it _is_ so—what does it matter, then!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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