It was essential that K. take a hand in it himself. On winter's
mornings such as this, when he was very tired and everything dragged
itself lethargically through his head, this belief of his seemed
irrefutable. He no longer felt the contempt for the trial that he had
had earlier. If he had been alone in the world it would have been easy
for him to ignore it, although it was also certain that, in that case,
the trial would never have arisen in the first place. But now, his uncle
had already dragged him to see the lawyer, he had to take account of his
family; his job was no longer totally separate from the progress of the
trial, he himself had carelessly--with a certain, inexplicable
complacency--mentioned it to acquaintances and others had learned about
it in ways he did not know, his relationship with Miss Bürstner seemed
to be in trouble because of it. In short, he no longer had any choice
whether he would accept the trial or turn it down, he was in the middle
of it and had to defend himself. If he was tired, then that was bad.
But there was no reason to worry too much before he needed to. He had
been capable of working himself up to his high position in the bank in
a relatively short time and to retain it with respect from everyone,
now he simply had to apply some of the talents that had made that
possible for him to the trial, and there was no doubt that it had to
turn out well. The most important thing, if something was to be
achieved, was to reject in advance any idea that he might be in any way
guilty. There was no guilt. The trial was nothing but a big piece of
business, just like he had already concluded to the benefit of the bank
many times, a piece of business that concealed many lurking dangers
waiting in ambush for him, as they usually did, and these dangers would
need to be defended against. If that was to be achieved then he must not
entertain any idea of guilt, whatever he did, he would need to look
after his own interests as closely as he could. Seen in this way, there
was no choice but to take his representation away from the lawyer very
soon, at best that very evening. The lawyer had told him, as he talked
to him, that that was something unheard of and would probably do him a
great deal of harm, but K. could not tolerate any impediment to his
efforts where his trial was concerned, and these impediments were
probably caused by the lawyer himself. But once he had shaken off the
lawyer the documents would need to be submitted straight away and, if
possible, he would need to see to it that they were being dealt with
every day. It would of course not be enough, if that was to be done, for
K. to sit in the corridor with his hat under the bench like the others.
Day after day, he himself, or one of the women or somebody else on his
behalf, would have to run after the officials and force them to sit at
their desks and study K.'s documents instead of looking out on the
corridor through the grating.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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