Beatrice had asked him to use his influence. It was slight, pitifully
slight, but he must do what he could. He must plan for them,
deliberately, more such opportunities as this one he had planned for
them unconsciously to-day. He must give them more chances to be
together. He had looked forward to having breakfast with her in the
morning. He must give up that. He must keep himself in the background
while he was here, and then, at the right moment, get out altogether.
Technically, he must desert her. He must make that supreme sacrifice.
At the moment when he stood ready to challenge the world for her--at
the moment when his heart within him burned to face for her all the
dangers from which he had run--at that point he must relinquish even
this privilege, and with smiling lips pose before the world and before
her as a quitter. He must not even use the deserter's prerogative of
running. He must leave her cheerfully and jauntily--as the care-free
ass known to her and to the world as just Monte.
The scorn of those words stung him white with helpless passion. She
had wished him always to be just Monte, because she thought that was
the best there was in him. As such he was at least harmless--a
good-natured chump to be trusted to do no harm, if he did no good. The
grandson of the Covington who had faced thirst and hunger and sudden
death for his woman, who had won for her a fortune fighting against
other strong men, the grandson of a man who had tackled life like a
man, must sacrifice his one chance to allow this ancestor to know his
own as a man. He could have met him chin up with Madame Covington on
his arm. He had that chance once.
How ever had he missed it? He sat there with his fists clenched
between his knees, asking himself the question over and over again. He
had known her for over a decade. As a school-girl he had seen her at
Chic's, and now ten years later he saw that even then she had within
her all that she now had. That clear, white forehead had been there
then; the black arched brows, the thin, straight nose, and the mobile
lips. He caught his breath as he thought of those lips. Her eyes,
too--but no, a change had taken place there. He had always thought of
her eyes as cold--as impenetrable. They were not that now. Once or
twice he thought he had seen into them a little way. Once or twice he
thought he had glimpsed gentle, fluttering figures in them. Once or
twice they had been like windows in a long-closed house, suddenly flung
open upon warm rooms filled with flowers. It made him dizzy now to
remember those moments.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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