"He has n't gone to her. He'll never go back to her. She deserted
him, and now--he's going to make it permanent."
"A divorce?"
"Yes, Peter," she answered, with a little shiver.
"You're taking it hard."
"I know all that he means to her," she choked.
"She loves him?"
"With all her heart and soul."
"And he does n't know it?"
"Why, he would n't believe it--if she told him. She can never let him
know it. She'd deny it if he asked her. She loves him enough for
that."
"Good Lord!" exclaimed Peter. "There's a mistake there somewhere."
"The mistake came first," she ran on. "Oh, I don't know why I'm
telling you these things, except that it is a relief to tell them to
some one."
"Tell me all about it," he encouraged her. "I knew there was something
on your mind."
"Peter," she said earnestly, "can you imagine a woman so selfish that
she wanted to marry just to escape the responsibilities of marriage?"
"It is n't possible," he declared.
Her cheeks were a vivid scarlet. Had he been able to see them, she
could not have gone on.
"A woman so selfish," she faltered ahead, "that she preferred a
make-believe husband to a real husband, because--because so she thought
she would be left free."
"Free for what?" he demanded.
"To live."
"When love and marriage and children are all there is to life?" he
asked.
She caught her breath.
"You see, she did not know that then. She thought all those things
called for the sacrifice of her freedom."
"What freedom?" he demanded again. "It's when we're alone that we're
slaves--slaves to ourselves. A woman alone, a man alone, living to
himself alone--what is there for him? He can only go around and around
in a pitifully small circle--a circle that grows smaller and smaller
with every year. Between twenty and thirty a man can exhaust all there
is in life for himself alone. He has eaten and slept and traveled and
played until his senses have become dull. Perhaps a woman lasts a
little longer, but not much longer. Then they are locked away in
themselves until they die."
"Peter!" she cried in terror.
"It's only as we live in others that we live forever," he ran on. "It
is only by toiling and sacrificing and suffering and loving that we
become immortal. It is so we acquire real freedom."
"Yes, Peter," she agreed, with a gasp.
"Could n't you make her understand that?"
"She does understand. That's the pity of it."
"And Covington?"
"It's in him to understand; only--she lost the right to make him
understand. She--she debased herself. So she must sacrifice herself
to get clean again. She must make even greater sacrifices than any she
cowed away from. She must do this without any of the compensations
that come to those who have been honest and unafraid."
"What of him?"
"He must never know. He'll go round and round his little circle, and
she must watch him."
"It's terrible," he murmured. "It will be terrible for her to watch
him do that. If you had told him how she felt--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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