The fire smouldered and spread. A gust of wind came. Mrs. Comfort Bean,
sniffing expectantly, was enveloped in a thin cloud of smoke. It caught
her when, dissatisfied by preliminary investigations, she had taken a
full, deep whiff. Mrs. Bean was almost asphyxiated. Gasping and choking
she strangled in the efficient smudge of Ike's preparing. A change
in the wind relieved her. "Fire!" she screamed.
As this fateful cry, anguish-toned, rang over the festive throng, many an
aged heart stood still. Shrieks arose as well as answering alarms.
For the moment terror held them, and then certain women rushed for
the building that they might ascend to their apartments and rescue
choice possessions. Other more hardened spirits removed their chairs
to positions of advantage that in greater comfort, they might "Watch
the blamed old thing burn down."
The coolness of military men was well exemplified by Colonel Ryan. He
arose from his chair at the first alarm and shouted, "Sit down," in a
voice which had arisen above the roar of cannon. Perceiving the stampede
towards the building, he thundered, "Two of you waiters keep those
women out of there." In utter disregard of the high cost of shoes,
he roared, "Stamp that fire out!" In searching tones, he demanded,
"Who set it?" No guilty man confessed, but Ike became ill at ease and
sought retirement in the crowd.
The Colonel turned to the leader of the band which rested between
numbers. "Play!" he commanded. These ancient musicians had little
regard for modern music. They loved the tuneful airs of the past and were
about to render some selections from "The Serenade." At the word
of the leader, the chorus from "Don Jose of Seville," the words of
which run, "Let her go, piff, paff," pealed forth.
To avert impending peril, Mrs. Comfort Bean had remained upon the porch
emitting loud screams at intervals as if they were minute guns. She
disappeared into the hall. She was back in a moment. Kelly was gazing
beneath the porch at the smouldering leaves. She called to him, "You
big red-headed feller," and when he looked up, she screamed, "Fire
extinguisher."
He nodded understandingly and in a moment had procured the apparatus
from the hall and carried it to the end of the porch where a group of
waiters, assisted by their late enemy, Mr. Jones, were endeavoring to
stamp the fire out.
For an instant Kelly perused the directions. Then he inverted the
extinguisher. There was a hissing as of a monstrous snake. From the
nozzle gushed a fizzing, sizzling jet like a soda fountain in action.
Kelly whirled about to bring the stream to bear upon the conflagration.
As he turned, the frothing liquid circled with him and cut the check
suit of Mr. Jones, the white coats of the waiters, and the Norfolk jacket
of Ike, at the waist line. Now arose the protests and violent language of
angry men.
"You big chump, ain't you got no sense?" gasped Mr. Jones,
ungrammatically.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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