Almshouses -- Fiction; Older women -- Fiction; Villages -- England -- Fiction; Women cleaning personnel -- Fiction
Her voice, stammering and anxious, and growing more and more eager
as she found herself allowed to proceed, died away at last into a
fateful silence. Mrs. Clapham had kept her eyes fixed upon her while
she talked, but as soon as she ended she turned them from her. She
was saying to herself that perhaps she had been wrong in thinking
that there was no possible choice. There _was_ a choice, after all,
and it was perhaps only fair that she should be asked to make it.
In face of her new doubts as well as her new and amazing pity for
Emma, she could not simply sweep her pretensions off the board. Never
again would she seem to her quite the same woman as before she had
disappeared under that apron. Slowly she turned the recent revelation
over in her mind, weighing and sifting and making ready for judgment.
Was it possible, she thought to herself, that she had been wrong
about Emma—that they had all been wrong, Stephen and Tibbie included?
Nobody really knew what went on behind closed doors, and whether
they spoke truth who brought stories to those without. Nobody really
knew to whose account sorrows and sins would be placed at the last
day. The charwoman, with the iron sunk in her soul, said to herself
that she had been mistaken in God’s goodness; might it not also be
possible that she had been mistaken in Emma’s badness? Repentance,
at least, was possible, even for the worst, and in Emma’s passionate
outburst she had seemed to discern the ring of truth. Perhaps she
really did think that she could make atonement through the children,
and was full of a hunger and ache to pay her debt. Deep as was Mrs.
Clapham’s yearning towards them because they were Tibbie’s, she knew
that the loss of them would not break her heart. Undoubtedly, it was
Emma who had the right to them, if she was speaking the truth; but
who was prepared to say that Emma was speaking the truth!
It was at this point that she extended her bitter resentment to old
Mr. T.—old Mr. T., who, only a few hours before, had seemed like an
angel out of the past. While she was in his house she had been so
grateful to him that she had cried, admiring and loving him for his
kindly thought. Now she suddenly felt that he was only a stupid old
man, after all. He had seemed at the time to be making her a splendid
gift, while all that he was really doing for her was to tie her
hands. He had been silly enough to imagine that, by making that rule,
he was ensuring his old folks’ comfort and peace, whereas all that
he had ensured for this one at least was her total exclusion from
Heaven. Old Mr. T. went the way of all her other ideals which had
been intact only that very morning. God had failed her at one blow,
and the glamour for which He stood; and along with God and the beauty
of life went foolish old Mr. T....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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