Children -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Ghost stories; Governesses -- Fiction; Psychological fiction
To mark, for the house, the high state I cultivated I decreed that my
meals with the boy should be served, as we called it, downstairs; so
that I had been awaiting him in the ponderous pomp of the room outside
of the window of which I had had from Mrs. Grose, that first scared
Sunday, my flash of something it would scarce have done to call light.
Here at present I felt afresh—for I had felt it again and again—how my
equilibrium depended on the success of my rigid will, the will to shut
my eyes as tight as possible to the truth that what I had to deal with
was, revoltingly, against nature. I could only get on at all by taking
“nature” into my confidence and my account, by treating my monstrous
ordeal as a push in a direction unusual, of course, and unpleasant, but
demanding, after all, for a fair front, only another turn of the screw
of ordinary human virtue. No attempt, nonetheless, could well require
more tact than just this attempt to supply, one’s self, _all_ the
nature. How could I put even a little of that article into a
suppression of reference to what had occurred? How, on the other hand,
could I make reference without a new plunge into the hideous obscure?
Well, a sort of answer, after a time, had come to me, and it was so far
confirmed as that I was met, incontestably, by the quickened vision of
what was rare in my little companion. It was indeed as if he had found
even now—as he had so often found at lessons—still some other delicate
way to ease me off. Wasn’t there light in the fact which, as we shared
our solitude, broke out with a specious glitter it had never yet quite
worn?—the fact that (opportunity aiding, precious opportunity which had
now come) it would be preposterous, with a child so endowed, to forego
the help one might wrest from absolute intelligence? What had his
intelligence been given him for but to save him? Mightn’t one, to reach
his mind, risk the stretch of an angular arm over his character? It was
as if, when we were face to face in the dining room, he had literally
shown me the way. The roast mutton was on the table, and I had
dispensed with attendance. Miles, before he sat down, stood a moment
with his hands in his pockets and looked at the joint, on which he
seemed on the point of passing some humorous judgment. But what he
presently produced was: “I say, my dear, is she really very awfully
ill?”
“Little Flora? Not so bad but that she’ll presently be better. London
will set her up. Bly had ceased to agree with her. Come here and take
your mutton.”
He alertly obeyed me, carried the plate carefully to his seat, and,
when he was established, went on. “Did Bly disagree with her so
terribly suddenly?”
“Not so suddenly as you might think. One had seen it coming on.”
“Then why didn’t you get her off before?”
“Before what?”
“Before she became too ill to travel.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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