Children -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Ghost stories; Governesses -- Fiction; Psychological fiction
“Yes”—with all accommodation—“everything depends!” On this, however, he
faced to the window again and presently reached it with his vague,
restless, cogitating step. He remained there awhile, with his forehead
against the glass, in contemplation of the stupid shrubs I knew and the
dull things of November. I had always my hypocrisy of “work,” behind
which, now, I gained the sofa. Steadying myself with it there as I had
repeatedly done at those moments of torment that I have described as
the moments of my knowing the children to be given to something from
which I was barred, I sufficiently obeyed my habit of being prepared
for the worst. But an extraordinary impression dropped on me as I
extracted a meaning from the boy’s embarrassed back—none other than the
impression that I was not barred now. This inference grew in a few
minutes to sharp intensity and seemed bound up with the direct
perception that it was positively _he_ who was. The frames and squares
of the great window were a kind of image, for him, of a kind of
failure. I felt that I saw him, at any rate, shut in or shut out. He
was admirable, but not comfortable: I took it in with a throb of hope.
Wasn’t he looking, through the haunted pane, for something he couldn’t
see?—and wasn’t it the first time in the whole business that he had
known such a lapse? The first, the very first: I found it a splendid
portent. It made him anxious, though he watched himself; he had been
anxious all day and, even while in his usual sweet little manner he sat
at table, had needed all his small strange genius to give it a gloss.
When he at last turned round to meet me, it was almost as if this
genius had succumbed. “Well, I think I’m glad Bly agrees with _me!_”
“You would certainly seem to have seen, these twenty-four hours, a good
deal more of it than for some time before. I hope,” I went on bravely,
“that you’ve been enjoying yourself.”
“Oh, yes, I’ve been ever so far; all round about—miles and miles away.
I’ve never been so free.”
He had really a manner of his own, and I could only try to keep up with
him. “Well, do you like it?”
He stood there smiling; then at last he put into two words—“Do
_you?_”—more discrimination than I had ever heard two words contain.
Before I had time to deal with that, however, he continued as if with
the sense that this was an impertinence to be softened. “Nothing could
be more charming than the way you take it, for of course if we’re alone
together now it’s you that are alone most. But I hope,” he threw in,
“you don’t particularly mind!”
“Having to do with you?” I asked. “My dear child, how can I help
minding? Though I’ve renounced all claim to your company—you’re so
beyond me—I at least greatly enjoy it. What else should I stay on for?”
He looked at me more directly, and the expression of his face, graver
now, struck me as the most beautiful I had ever found in it. “You stay
on just for _that?_”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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