"Probably not. And it is because I recognise that, that I grow more and more careful to hold aloof from situations that would threaten my peace of mind. My artistic egotism bids fair to ally itself with vulgar selfishness. That tendency I must resist. For the artist _ought_ to be able to make material of his own sufferings, even while the suffering is at its height. To what other end does he suffer? In very deed, he is the only man whose misery finds justification in apparent result." "I am not an artist," sighed Julian. "On the contrary, I firmly believe that you are. And it makes me angry to see the impulse dying in you." "What am I to do?" Julian cried, almost with a voice of anguish. "I am so helpless, so hopelessly fettered! Release is impossible. No words could express the desperate struggles I go through when I recognise how my life is being wasted and my powers, whatever they may be, numbed and crushed. Something I might do, if I were free; I feel that! But there is no hope of freedom. I shall fall into darker and darker depths of weakness and ruin, always conscious of what I am losing. What will be the end?" "What the end will be, under the present circumstances, is only too clear to me. But it might easily be averted?" "How? Give me some practical advice, Waymark! Let us talk of the matter freely. Tell me what you would do!" Waymark thought for a moment. "Does there seem any chance of her health being permanently improved?" he asked. "I can't say. She says she is better. It's no use my asking the doctors; they despise me, and would not think of treating me with any consideration." "Why don't you do this?" began Waymark, after another pause. "Use all means to find some convalescent home where she can be received when she leaves the hospital. Then, if her fits and the rest of it still continue, find some permanent place for her. You can afford it. Never mind if it reduces you for a time to a garret and a crust." "She would refuse to go to such places," said Julian despondently. "Then refuse to take her back! Sell your furniture; take one room for yourself; and tell her she must live where she likes on a sufficient allowance from you." "I dare not. It is impossible. She would never leave me in peace." "You will have to do this ultimately, if you are to continue to live. Of that there is no doubt. So why not now?" "I must think; it is impossible to make up my mind to such a thing at once. I know you advise what is best; I have thought of it myself. But I shall never have the courage! I am so miserably weak. If only I could get my health back! Good God, how I suffer!"