England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
Ida did not conceal her disappointment when Abraham conveyed this news
to her; she had been hoping for better things. Her intercourse with
Waymark between his recovery and his leaving the house had been
difficult, full of evident constraint on both sides. It was the desire
of both not to meet alone, and in Mr. Woodstock's presence they talked
of indifferent things, with an artificiality which it was difficult to
support, yet impossible to abandon. They shunned each other's eyes.
Waymark was even less at his ease than Ida, knowing that Mr. Woodstock
observed him closely at all times. With her grandfather Ida tried to
speak freely of their friend, but she too was troubled by the
consciousness that the old man did not seem as friendly to Waymark as
formerly.
"This will of course only be for a time?" she said, when told of
Waymark's new employment.
"I don't know," Abraham replied indifferently. "I should think it will
suit him as well as anything else."
"But he is clever; he writes books. Don't you think he will make
himself known some day?"
"That kind of thing isn't much to be depended on, it seems to me. It's
a doubtful business to look forward to for a living."
Ida kept silence on the subject after that. She did not seem to brood
any longer over sad thoughts, yet it was seldom she behaved or spoke
light-heartedly; her face often indicated an absent mind, but it was
the calm musing of one whose thoughts look to the future and strengthen
themselves with hope. Times there were when she drew away into
solitude, and these were the intervals of doubt and self-questioning.
With her grandfather she was reconciled; she had become convinced of
his kindness to her, and the far-off past was now seldom in her mind.
The trouble originated in the deepest workings of her nature. When she
found herself comparing her position now with that of former days, it
excited in her a restive mood to think that chance alone had thus
raised her out of misery, that the conscious strength and purity of her
soul would never have availed to help her to the things which were now
within her grasp. The old sense of the world's injustice excited anger
and revolt in her heart. Chance, chance alone befriended her, and the
reflection injured her pride. What of those numberless struggling
creatures to whom such happy fortune could never come, who, be their
aspirations and capabilities what they might, must struggle vainly,
agonise, and in the end despair? She had been lifted out of hell, not
risen therefrom by her own strength. Sometimes it half seemed to her
that it would have been the nobler lot to remain as she was, to share
the misery of that dread realm of darkness with those poor disinherited
ones, to cherish that spirit of noble rebellion, the consciousness of
which had been as a pure fire on the altar of her being. What was to be
her future? Would she insensibly forget her past self, let her strength
subside in refinement--it might be, even lose the passion which had
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