England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
"You will stay with me now?" she cried, when her voice could form
words. "You won't leave me again, Paul? We will hide you here.--No, no;
I am forgetting. You will go away with us, away from London to a safe
place. Maud is going to be married to-morrow, and we will live with her
in her new home. You have suffered dreadfully; you look so changed, so
ill. You shall rest, and I will nurse you. Oh, I will be a good wife to
you, Paul. Speak to me, do speak to me: speak kindly, dear! How long is
it since I lost you?"
"I daren't stay, Emily," he replied, in a hoarse and broken voice. "I
should be discovered. I must get away from England, that is my only
chance. I have scarcely left the house where I was hiding all this
time. It wouldn't have been safe to try and escape, even if I had had
any money. I have hungered for days, and I am weaker than a child."
He sobbed again in the extremity of his wretchedness.
"It was all for my sake!" she cried, clinging around his neck. "I am
your curse. I have brought you to ruin a second time. I am a bad,
wretched woman; if you drove me from you with blows it would be less
than I deserve! You can never forgive me; but let me be your slave, let
me suffer something dreadful for your sake! Why did I ever recover from
my madness, only to bring that upon you!"
He could speak little, but leaned back, holding her to him with one arm.
"No, it is not your fault, Emily," he said. "Only my own weakness and
folly. Your love repays me for all I have undergone; that was all I
ever wanted."
When she had exhausted herself in passionate consolation, she left him
for a few moments to get him food, and he ate of it like a famished man.
"If I can only get money enough to leave the country, I am saved," he
said. "If I stay here, I shall be found, and they will imprison me for
years. I had rather kill myself!"
"Mr. Waymark will give us the money," was the reply, "and we will go
away together."
"That would betray me; it would be folly to face such a risk. If I can
escape, then you shall come to me."
"Oh, you will leave me!" she cried. "I shall lose you, as I did before,
but this time for ever! You don't love me, Paul! And how can I expect
you should? But let me go as your servant. Let me dress like a man, and
follow you. Who will notice then?"
He shook his head.
"I love you, Emily, and shall love you as long as I breathe. To hear
you speak to me like this has almost the power to make me happy. If I
had known it, I shouldn't have stayed so long away from you; I hadn't
the courage to come, and I thought the sight of me would only be misery
to you. I have lived a terrible life, among the poorest people, getting
my bread as they did; oftener starving. Not one of my acquaintances was
to be trusted. I have not seen one face I knew since I first heard of
my danger and escaped. But I had rather live on like that than fall
into the hands of the police; I should never know freedom again. The
thought maddens me with fear."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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