German fiction -- Translations into English; Germany -- Fiction; Sin -- Fiction
At that time there had been a little flirtation between her and
Leo--the innocent prelude to their later guilty liaison. It had passed
without leaving any serious consequences behind.
The first to approach her in earnest with a proposal was Herr von
Rhaden, the proprietor of Fichtkampen, a former loose-liver, and at one
time a crony of old Baron Sellenthin's. He was at the end of his
forties, sallow, grizzled, and gallant. Felicitas, admired as she knew
herself to be, said "Yes" without much reflection. For since her
thirteenth year, she had determined to take the first husband she could
get, to throw herself into his arms whether he was the best or worst of
men, so that she might be released from her forlorn situation by an
early marriage.
Thus, at nineteen, she migrated to Fichtkampen; became mother of a son;
danced, rode, made point lace, played patience, and waited for the
advent of the hero whom the cards promised her. She would gladly have
flirted, only the cantankerous disposition of her elderly husband would
not have permitted it. First, _faute de mieux_, and then, really to
satisfy her heart's hunger, she attracted Leo to her again. As a friend
of her youth, and a second cousin, he was placed beyond her husband's
jealous suspicion, and so things happened as they were bound to happen.
The famous duel which made her a widow was the climax. It would have
been sheer insanity to remain a widow, and no one blamed her when,
after nearly two years' mourning, she accepted the hand of the grave
and high-minded Uhich von Kletzingk, although he was the bosom-friend
of the man who had killed her first husband.
Now, for the first time, she was free, and enjoyed the liberty she had
so long yearned for. Ulrich's patience was admirable. He guessed that a
secret repugnance alienated her from him, the sickly man; as his innate
refinement of feeling would not allow him to take by force what was not
readily acceded, he put a bridle on his own wishes. His self-denial did
not make him reproach her. She found in her husband her ready and
sincerest friend, while she engaged in flirtations with the gentlemen
of the country round, scoring triumphs, which fed her vanity. But happy
she was not. It was part of her nature to luxuriate in feeling unhappy.
It raised her in her own esteem to a higher sphere, and increased the
charms of her personality. She posed to the world defenceless and
lovely, with a veil of melancholy draping transparently the mystery of
a soul devoured by a secret desire.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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